All posts for the month August, 2012

To Cut or Not to Cut

Published August 27, 2012 by sarcasmica

That is my question. It’s a constantly revolving question. Currently i’m in a phase where i want to chop it all off. It’s in the way, it’s falling out, it’s a hassle. It goes in a clip every day. I’m turning 36 next month and i have to let go of the fantasy that someday i will look like Julia Roberts and accept i’m more of a Kathy Bates… or Sarah Rue before the weight loss.

i don’t style, i don’t blow dry, and i only flat iron if it’s a big deal.

So if i cut it short, it’ll be easy to style and it’ll have to happen every day. I can’t do a gradual trim because my hair is naturally curly, and the strands are thin, but there’s a lot of it, so it either has to be super short, or past my shoulders. In between is just a frizzy ‘fro.

But then i’m afraid the cut combined with the minivan automatically puts me in the ‘housewives that stopped trying’ category. … because my sweat pants, crocs and T-Shirt dont already act as a neon sign, right?!

But really it’s the opposite. I don’t try when it’s a hassle and long, i can style it when it’ll be short and lay flat.

I actually had a pixie-short cut once before… about 80lbs ago. Now i’m afraid along with my eyes, all my chins will be showcased as well.

This is not a goal of mine.

So i don’t know. I’m going to obsess about it until it happens. Growing out short hair is an equal pain to deciding to chop it, so i’m going to have to decide to commit… i don’t like commitment. It ties one down.

So the next time i write, i’ll either be sitting here as a short haired butchy chub, or a straggly haired frizzy chub. I’m chubby either way, so i shouldn’t let the veil of hair make the choice for me. It’s not like i will cut it and suddenly people will realize i’m fat. It’s really not something that can be hidden. I’m also nearly 6ft tall so most people can’t see the top of my head anyway, so what do i care?!
so the first option is:




Published August 24, 2012 by sarcasmica

Gemma Rose 9-11-10

My little angel baby is turning 2 in two and a half weeks. I can’t even stand this. On one hand, of course it’s cool she’s so much more independent. She’s talking, she’s running/climbing/jumping. She’s splashing and eating and following directions.

But i miss my little punkin head baby girl. The little sweet cherub that would nap on my chest. Nap until her sweat and drool pooled onto me and i worried about her drowning herself right under my nose.

That sweet sound of babbling and cooing. Pre “No!” and “Idonwanna” and “No, go away!” (Mostly reserved for her brother, and only me when she thinks she’s being funny)

I miss the fun of dressing my little girl and putting bows and headbands on … before she knew better than to tear them out. Before she understood if a Sesame Street character was on the clothing or not, which, in turn, determined whether or not she would wear it.

I just miss her being a baby. Small enough to hold all the time. And i did. All. The. Time. At one point my husband started asking if she had been put down at all during the day. But i knew. I knew with my second how fast it would go and i didn’t give a rat’s ass if the laundry piled up, or the dishes were getting out of control. I knew that first three/six/10 months would fly by and they did. And even if i was lobotomized in my sleep and woke up wanting another kid – which will never happen – it will never be her. If ever i had another baby, it would not be either of my two kids as they were babies, it would be a new being.
The only baby craving i get is wanting to revisit that time with my current kid. My son was a colicky infant who had a correctional helmet on from 3-6 months of age accompanied by physical therapy. I would love to have that time with him without all the hooplah. Just to enjoy my little monkey as an infant again.

This morning he and i sat and cuddled for about 20 minutes on the couch before anyone else was up. It was so nice. He never let me do that when he was younger. He was never a cuddler. But this morning we talked and giggled and i tried my hardest not to let him see me get all teary-eyed. I got to tell him how much i love him and always will. Those moments make the tantrum-filled argumentative moments a little more tolerable.

My punkin’ head is my last and youngest, so it’s always bittersweet when they have a birthday, hit a milestone, etc. The thing i learned with my son is to not take for granted the pre school and kinder years. It’s easy to let days and weeks go by without snapping a photo or video because afterall, they aren’t babies anymore. But oh, how i wish i had taken more videos of my son when he was three. Even four.

Understandably, i was just in a daily fight for sanity with him between the parent meetings with teachers, the tantrums, the transitions. .. but still. To have caught an extra momentary golden moment would have been nice.

My daughter has always loved Sesame Street and recently has been fostering a pretty healthy Muppets obsession. Muppet Treasure Island is viewed at least once a day. No longer in it’s entirety, i have noticed. After a couple weeks of that, i broke down and got a used Muppets Take Manhattan, just for a different soundtrack. This is all going to make for a very eclectic mix of party theme. Especially because it seems you can only get Muppet party supplies in the UK.

I’ve celebrated each of my son’s birthdays with excitement and optimism that a-it’ll be an easier year and b-that he’s growing into his attitude and vocabulary.

For my daughter, this will be the second year that i wish i could keep her this small just a little longer.

So, my fellow parental warriors, hold onto those little demons/angels/sheriffs/and cherubs. Get out your camera, phone, polaroid, or web cam and snap/record away. *This* is the youngest they will ever be. When my kids are graduating from high school and i want to relive the good snippets, it sure will be nice to have one more video to study and weep at 🙂

Father's Day pics

A Letter to Educational Admin

Published August 22, 2012 by sarcasmica

Hello there. It’s *me*. Again. I completely understand that you are swamped two weeks before school starts, however. That is not my problem. My problem is getting the kids i need registered for school. Properly. Without a headache or three times the added work just because you didn’t feel like double-checking the process so you told me whatever came into your mind.

I would MUCH rather be doing anything else than dealing with your office, sitting on hold, scanning and emailing paperwork to you, checking my inbox for a confirmation you received said paperwork. My two year old and six year old would also appreciate me not having to do this all morning. They are getting quite sick of television thanks to their mommy needing to sit idly on hold just to then get hung up on.

This is probably not your first choice in a career, but this is not my first choice in my daily activity, either. A few hints that may make your job, and mine, much easier.

Give the right information the first time!
If i have to sit on hold for five more minutes while you double-check the info, i don’t mind. I’d rather spend that five minutes than the follow up THIRTY to call back, sit on hold, re-explain the situation and hope the next info is correct

If i get disconnected, remember that phone number you keep asking me to verify? USE. IT!!! I’m pretty sure your phone has multiple applications. One of which would be to make an OUTGOING call.

I get that your hands are tied due to time constraints on summer hours, however this shit rolls downhill. The process is unforgiving when you require paperwork and then you try and tell me there’s a THREE DAY processing time?! No. That gives no time to prepare for the class that is actually needed. See? YOUR high school math comes into play here. If student A submits paperwork 7 days before school starts, and it takes 3 days to process the information, and then she still needs to sign up for the class, that leaves X amount of days to tear out hair and scream at the computer and register for what’s left.

It is now my job to light a fire under your butt. Move it or burn.


Disgruntled Parent.

Heeeelp Meeeeeee

Published August 22, 2012 by sarcasmica

My neighbors and passersby today may see a very interesting site.

My face pressed to the front window with a sign simply saying


as my children dance on the furniture in the background waving markers and kitchen utensils wildly daring anyone to cross the threshold to help. or direct. or engage. or corral.

Go ahead. Make their day.

We moved from Texas, where my son finished school the third week of May, and moved to Washington, where he wont start until the first week of September.

longest. three. months. and two weeks. of. my. LIFE!!!!

I love my child. That’s the obligatory disclaimer. BUUUUUUUT he can be pain in the rear on a daily, sometimes hourly basis.

Oh yes. I said it. He can be a pain in the ass. He gets it from his dad 🙂

Summer is a cruel joke on parents while simultaneously a mandatory sanity reboot for teachers. And while i fully understand a “real teacher” is never really off, they also are not walking into a classroom full of beasts every day and following their own lesson plans. Enjoy and drink up, i say, because very soon (and not soon enough all at the same time) my little precious angel will be ALL YOURS for almost 7 hours of the day.


And now, back to the window.

Is That ME?!

Published August 21, 2012 by sarcasmica

Do you ever meet someone and think, “holy shit, am i that annoying to people?!”

I did. Today. Worst part was i was a captive member of a club stuck at a coffee shop across from a woman I couldn’t get away from fast enough. This person was visiting from Southern California and said “like” about 80 times per sentence. Most of the conversation was “like” with a few thoughts thrown in.

So of course i had to wonder if i did that as well, as i know this is a very So Cal thing to do. I’d like to think the heat of Arizona beat most of that out of me. You only have so much energy in the 9 months of summer there. One way to preserve your brain cells is to only say what you must say. “Like” is not one of those words, unless you’re actually making a comparison. Or an observation about the heat.

I hope i’m not as irritating as the woman i met today. The other thing i noticed was that when she opened her mouth, everything she said was about herself or her baby or her, like, husband or their, like, apartment. No one could get a word in, like, edgwise. And the table seemed to clear ten minutes into the conversation.

I just got rude and started talking across her to the lady next to her. Screw it. Don’t monopolize MY conversation! I show up to these things so i can vent and bitch about MY life, not listen to your issues!

see what i did there?

Hopefully this is a flaky person who will only show up to certain events  …  the ones i’m not at.

Don’t forget to love thy neighbor today, people! .. and will someone pick up my slack because some people I just can’t force the nice.


Published August 21, 2012 by sarcasmica

Here lies the eyeball of my son’s poor grey kitty cat. (stuffed animal)

He was left on the deck, and now he’s a wreck

The puppy sure liked what she found

My kid is distraught, for the kitty poorly fought

and now sees through only one eye that is round


Motherhood rule #387

No matter how hard you want to laugh, don’t.

it was just a stuffed animal, but it was a toy given when he had a high fever and felt awful two years ago. Sure it had been left at the bottom of a toybox. But when woken from it’s dusty suffocated slumber, it’s like new again to him.

He took it out on the deck while he drew and wrote on the new easel. I told him to take it in the house,  but no. He thought he knew better and insisted.

Later, i went in to put the toddler down, took a shower, had a snack, he came in and joined me for a little chips and salsa, went back outside while i made lunch …. to find the kitty was nabbed.

He trekked downstairs and found the puppy gnawing on the kitty and brought the defeated animal into the house. He had lost an eye and all the whiskers off one side of his face. The other eye is hanging on by a thread.

Sadly, for my child, i do not sew. I figured stapling everything back together would be even more traumatic. I had an ingenious plan. We will simply give him an eye patch! A pirate kitty !

I just have to convince him through the crying that this is the better end, and a new cat is not an option. At 6 the hard lessons must be learned. Leave the toys in the vicinity of the puppy and walk away. Sh*t happens, my child. Especially near a puppy.



Published August 21, 2012 by sarcasmica

Ever stalk people you once knew on Facebook just to see what they look like now? Like that guy you had a crush on from jr high through high school? Scaaaaary! Or your first boyfriend, or even first fiancee?
Am i giving away too much info here?
It’s times like this i’m reminded that just because you hope and ask and pray and hope that boy will like you back as much as you like him… there are other powers that be that know better. Thank goodness that power knew i wouldn’t find a balding thirty year old attractive. Or, once the new car smell wears off of that short-lived young relationship, the back hair would eventually knix the whole appeal.


My husband is not a perfect man, but he’s perfect for me! In that he has a full head of hair, and very little of it has traveled beyond his neck!

It’s funny to see faces age when last you saw them was decades before. These faces I looked at daily for what, at the time, i thought was the most important years of my life. Who knew high school was not the end all be all of life experience?! Don’t bother passing that gem onto any teenagers you run across. You’ll just sound like an old fart reminicsing about that past. Wistfully recalling days you’ll never get back.

Thank god.

I sure as hell wouldn’t want to relive high school, especially now! Texting and shootings and more drugs than ever. NOOOOOOOO thank you. I am happily ensconsed in my mid-thirties trying to navigate registration for school and activities.

I know people may see my picture and think, “Holy shit she CAN get bigger!” or “What the hell happened to HER?!” But the difference is I don’t care! 🙂  Oh, and i know how to set my privacy settings. If you want to scoff at my lack of graceful aging, you actually have to friend me first. Gotta love the irony there!


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