No, I’m Not

My husband may possibly kill me for writing this, but i have to.
Ladies, ever have one of those months you are SURE you are pregnant? You are absolutely positive you are? I had one of those recently. I’m not. Let’s just start by making sure that’s all clear. I am not pregnant. You couldn’t tell this to my psyche last month, though. It was an interesting little rollercoaster. Care for a ticket and ride?
So my husband and I went away for a couple days last month. A beautiful secluded cabin in the mountains. Near a lake. With a jacuzzi outside in a little gazebo. It was a very much needed reconnection for us. We’ve had lots of changes in the past couple of months with a state move, a job change, two new additions to our family in the form of my mom and his oldest daughter. Things changed rapidly for us and unfortunately, this new job requires a pretty heavy traveling schedule… conveniently for him. This was a carved out 48 hours of no internet, no phone reception, no television and not even any movies.
When we got back home we were caught up in the flurry of ‘back to school’ madness and shopping and lunch making and planning.

We had been back about two weeks when i start realizing how tired i am. Also, there was an incident at a grocery store with some baby powder that temporarily scrambled my brains. I was also seemingly running to a bathroom quite often. Everything was explainable. The fatigue was surely a result of the new school schedule, and we have been trying to get our 2 year old to sleep in her ‘big girl bed’ and at night this has proven somewhat of a challenge. As far as the ‘loo marathons, i was drinking more coffee as a result of the challenging evenings. The baby powder was just unexplainable. Nothing was really affecting me until my cat decided to set up camp in my lap one random afternoon.

Then i freaked.

This is an antisocial cat who relishes her alone time on her cat tree. If you aren’t feeding her, she might gift you with a ‘mah’ as a clue, but there is usually no real bonding with her. She is the quintessential princess feline. The only time she’s ever been an attention whore is when i was pregnant with my daughter. I couldn’t keep her away from me. She wanted to be on my lap, on my shoulders, chew my hair. It was kind of unsettling. So when she started stalking me, i started to get worried. In turn, i worried my husband. Isn’t that what all good wives do?!

I wasn’t going to make a big deal of anything until I knew for sure, but sometimes i can’t keep my thoughts to myself. Especially when we were talking about taking down the crib, do we sell it, do we keep it, etc.

I started seeing pregnant women everywhere. Every. Where. And then i started seeing twins.

Paranoia much?!

It seemed everyone on TV was either pregnant, or just had a baby… now i know the cable was just stuck on E! and Keeping up With the Kardashians was replaying all the episodes leading up to Kourtney having her baby.

My husband and i decided whichever way it went we’d accept it, but we were sort of crossing our fingers it wasn’t going to happen… ‘but what if’ snuck in a lot. I even stopped indulging in the already rare vodka cocktail during game time.

I completely psyched myself out. I had this whole “There’s no way i can be …. but i totally am positive i am, omg!” mentality.

To the point where i had hard evidence that I wasn’t pregnant and i STILL doubted it. Thankful, but doubtful. It’s interesting the different places you can force your mind to go.

Anyway, this whole thing happened after my youngest turned 2, after she transitioned out of her crib, and right before i am turning 36. During our ‘date night’ over the weekend, my husband had to deal with my mini breakdown. I was a blubbering idiot at Red Robin while choking down my free birthday burger. He is a good guy, he was not ashamed, but we talked everything out. We are chalking it up to an early mid-life crisis. Except instead of a convertible, i have a mini van.

And i’m no longer seeing pregnant women and babies everywhere. Shocking! And the cat ? She’s back to being the Ice Queen …. wth ?! It was like living in an alternate reality that seemingly never ended for three long weeks!

Momma is gonna enjoy and savor her next vodka cocktail !!!