Recently i have figured out I have a terrible condition. It is not contagious, but it is isolating. It’s hard to contain and even harder – it seems – to manage. There is a cure, but it takes time and luck. I have discovered since the recent move that i have diarrhea of the mouth.
I have met a few people here in Washington that i have run into again and again either at school pick up or over the back fence. (neighbors)

I was speaking to my neighbor today who wanted to know how the school year has been going.
Here’s how my condition plays out:
I think to myself, “Give the short answer. Do NOT go into detail. She doesnt KNOW you! If you want her to want to know you, say what you have to say and then SHUT. UP.”
She was sincere. Shes the PTA president, but im sure there’s a limit to what she wants to know. That’s certainly how i feel when i meet someone new. Don’t throw it all at me at once, lady!
I’m firmly zipping my lips after giving her the jist. I’m confident i can do this….
But then i open my mouth. I give the concise and intelligent answer… and then my lips continue moving. My tongue will not stop wagging. I go on and on about past schools and teachers. I can hear myself, and mentally i’m slapping my own forehead.

just. shut. up.

As an afterthought, i reach back behind my brain and force out a question about how her kids are managing.

Ok .. she’s still talking to me, i think. That was good. Just pray she doesn’t ask another question. Do NOT comment too much on her experience. Don’t be that annoying person you yourself hate talking to!

It seems the more i encounter these same people, if they have the generosity of speaking to me more and more, i get it all worked out. Once i’ve purged the necessaries that have most recently been stressing me out, i tend to calm the spastic dialogue a little better.

Unfortunately, for the ones i see less frequently, i’m afraid i’m just the over-sharer who they try to limit the eye contact with. Another lady i met through my neighbor i ran into at pick up the other day. Unfortunately for her, it was the end of a long long day of doctors appointments and diaper rashes and standard daily headaches…. but compounded together, i was at a breaking point. That’s when the dreaded question is asked. “Hi! How are you?!”

And it begins all over again.

I can see the horror in her eyes as i over share my daughter’s diaper rash story.

She doesn’t need to know my husband is out of town … but if i pepper my diarrhea with something relate able, maybe she can draw an accurate conclusion that i’m desperate for conversation and friendship.

Great. Now i wreak of desperation .. and dirty diapers and rash cream.

I’m hoping my condition runs it’s course and i’m cured soon. I fear it will cause me to begin an unending cycle ending in ultimate isolation for this cabin fevered mom.

2 thoughts on “Conditioned

  1. ummmmmmm … I am sorry to tell you that the condition has no cure … sorry. But from experience, being at both ends of the exchange, I have noticed that once you are done with your speech, if you ask the same question back and endure the monologue that follows then things balance out and people don’t mind anymore.

    For example, there was this time when I was …. see there I go again 🙂

    I really enjoy your blog


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