Unfit

I’m well aware of the saying you are not handed a challenge bigger than you can take on… but i’m not sure. I’m pretty much standing on the borderline of my limit and all i feel is a headache and what might be the beginning of an ulcer… but only on one side, and near an ovary.

I had to take a stand with myself when i was in the shower for the second time this morning. Yes, i took TWO showers today, and yes, i have conversations with myself in there. Doesn’t everyone? Anyway, i’m on a hamster wheel with one situation in my life and nothing is changing. I had to finally give into the stress. Accept that i am taking on MORE than I can handle, and I no longer accept it. It is now for someone else to deal with because i’m done. It’s not worth what my kids are missing out on just to stress and mull over something that is ultimately out of my control.

I’m not a social person to begin with, but among small crowds, it’s not too bad. The Moms group i’m in had their Halloween party. I didn’t realize how off i was until i was sitting in a room near my daughter who doesn’t need constant supervision. I was using it as an excuse not to mingle and chit chat. I was hoping to blend in with the couch and the toys.

Unfortunately the only way i’d blend is if i were near a life sized stuffed animal and real house vs a doll house.

But anyway, i was just feeling tired. Exhausted. Done. I just got back from a trip that while too short, was also too long for me to be away from my monsters. Before the trip i wasn’t getting very much sleep, and after getting back, i needed to catch up.

So now i’m in a room full of women and their little kids. Most of the little ones were in their little costumes. It was very cute. My daughter refused to wear her cat ears, and i was not going to force the issue. We had a few new faces and if i were a proper grown up, i would have found those idle chit chat topics at the back of my brain to bring up and ask … but i honestly just didn’t care. I didn’t want to engage someone in a conversation i’d have to ask all over again the next time i saw them because i wouldn’t remember what the hell was said !

I realized then I probably should have stayed home because i was unfit for public socialization.

But my daughter had a blast. And i’m proud to say, was very good with sharing toys !! Girls are so much better at the social stuff than boys. My son wasn’t ‘bad’ necessarily, but i did have to watch to be sure he wasn’t causing a battle.