Tell Me, Baby!

So yesterday I began the … interesting.. journey of THERAPY. This will be the second time i’ve done it. The first time started as marriage counseling and I took a couple of opportunities to go by myself. It’s interesting.It’s a little uncomfortable for me because i don’t like being the center of attention. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE talking about things going on in my life, but I enjoy it more as a give and take, multiple conversation type scenario. When i’m sitting on a couch with a kleenex box nearby, and there’s a person sitting across from me in a chair focused solely on me and what i’m saying for an entire hour, it’s a little uncomfortable and alien.

I took full advantage, though!

After about fifteen minutes the poor woman’s eyes bugged out a little and just how much is going on in my life.

I’d be lying if i said that didn’t make me feel a bit validated.

After an hour of me talking and her saying things like, “Wait a minute… so you have that going on as well?!” and “So you’re saying you’ve managed all of this until now?” and “My goodness, there certainly is a lot happening.” I felt it was completely the right call to start this. I’m a little frustrated that i have to wait an entire week before i can go back and keep talking!

I’m sure my very good friend is relieved that i have another outlet for my ‘concerns’ (aka bitching) as well as my dear sis-in-law. Those two have completely helped me keep my sanity until now, and I’m so very appreciative for the ear/shoulder-lending.

But now it’s up to me to pay a professional to help me move along my merry way. She put it nicely that while that probably did help me, it didn’t exactly allow me to figure out tools and get to the root of what my goal(s) is. And she was right.

I left her office and felt lighter. I felt I had made some room for happiness and stuff other than just my own hamster wheel of nagging thoughts and problems. Living like that is exhausting.

I feel like my brain is an attic. My attic is full of boxes of issues and problems and minutiae of everyday tasks and necessities. Grocery shopping, bill paying, what homework is due, when was the last time i vacuumed, do we need more diapers. Also, it’s events and what that entails. Putting the kids to bed at night takes up 1/4 of my space because i need a lot of room to breathe deeply and manage the moods of my son. Making dinner, cleaning up during the day.

Because my husband is away and will have been away for three weeks, my attic is full. When I can make some space and clear out some frustration and empty out some issues, everything else can flex a little and move around easier.

It’s kind of a strange way to look at it, but that’s all i’ve got. Me and my attic of dusty cardboard and thoughts.

Hopefully this is the start of productive thought and management, and not a path to bigger problems and issues at home …. if so, i should check her refund policy

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