I’m not a very compassionate or overly “nicey nice” type person.

Having said that, my type of personality makes some parenting choices especially difficult.

Like when my son is being a brat, it’s really hard not to hold a grudge. I don’t care if i sound like i’m 10 right now, it’s my reality.

This kid has a history of not sleeping. Not only does he not sleep, but for some inane reason he feels I must share in the glory of exhaustion along side him.

I do not share the same vision. Nor have i ever. So i am dumbfounded as to why he insists on constantly pushing my limits of tolerance by SHOUTING and crying out for me to come to his room at any and all hours of the night/morning/twilight/evening/dawn for the most innocuous reasons. I’m convinced he has a checklist hidden somewhere and he’s searching for the exact right combination of time and reason to make my head explode.

This morning the time was 5:45 and the “reason” is that i didn’t put the dog in his room.

The dog that has NEVER slept in his room was not put in his room last night.

Still with me?

He checked a book out of his school library about a US Army guy who adopted a stray dog in Iraq and managed to fly him home to San Diego.

This story ignited some sort of need for Gage to have Barney sleep in his room with him.

Again i will say the dog sleeps in my room and has always. Nearly 4 years now!

I told my son i would TRY, but i could NOT leave him locked in his room all night and he probably wont stay.

So when Prince Pest woke up in the weeeeee dark hours of the morning he wanted me to know his incense at the situation.

I didn’t appreciate it, to say the least.

After 15 minutes of whisper yelling back and forth trying not to wake up the 2 year old one wall over, i fumed back into my room and had a conversation with myself in the mirror as i violently brushed my teeth.

“He is 6. This is not worth losing your shit over. Breathe. BREATHE! Let it go.”

and in between each period is a run on sentence at a high decibel playing in my brain of all the things i really wanted to scream out loud to no one.

So once i manage to hypnotize myself to an altered state of awakeness i get nice and comfy in my flannel sheets.. i begin to drift off after checking the monitor for the third time… i shut my eyes… then i hear a door open, the hall light goes on, the hall bathroom is being occupied, then back to his bedroom, then my doorknob opens.


“I’m hungry.”

clenched teeth.


then i realize the loose yogurt is expired, and only the giant costco box is current.

but you know what? parent of the year that i am, i convinced myself he wouldn’t even make it into the kitchen and tried to go back to sleep.

and i was right

but by now the toddler is awake, of course.

So now it’s 8:40 and i feel like i’ve been through an obstacle course of insanity and i’m ready for a hot tub, a margarita, and some really loud music… and i’m not even concerned with where or what the kids would be doing while i did this. It’s all happening in my head anyway since i don’t even have a bath tub i can pretend in.

This might be where i start to come unraveled.

Oh yes, and my husband is out of town for two weeks on business. YIPEE! Bring on the prozac and peach schnapps !






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