I love you BUT

These are totally first world problems, i know. But still.

So my husband gets to is forced to travel for work pretty often. It really isn’t too big of a deal, but it’s for 2 weeks at a time usually… and when you factor in the zombie period when he’s first back, he’s really not back for a good 2.5 weeks. I’m so thankful for Skype because it does help, and my iPhone is amazing. I can Skype anywhere. Yesterday i was on the way to Costco with my kids and was able to just hand the phone back to my son and they chatted for about a minute and a half. So my kids don’t necessarily feel like he’s “GONE” when he’s gone.

However. Here’s where i’m done with it. Because AT&T kind of sucks monkey balls, we can’t text when he’s gone. He goes to Europe and there’s roaming and all the BS that’s involved there. So i can text him, but he can only email me. My email timer is every 15 minutes because it’s bad enough i get pinged when junk mail comes in, i don’t need to know every bill pay confirmation and male enhancement advert that comes down the pike … so to speak. 🙂

So we can’t really plan out which days/times we can Skype because he’s “working” all hours, then you factor in the time difference and we have to plan around his meal times, etc etc etc etc.

The first week it’s no big deal and totally worth it. We’re still jazzed to see each other, we miss each other and hope things are going well.

By late first weekend he’s gone, i stop caring if my hair is out of place when we Skype. I hardly ever have make up on, and use my glasses to hide my eye bags.

I usually have a sweatshirt on, and in the case today, still have my pajamas on at 12:30.

The last statement isn’t completely unusual for a day here, but when he’s in town working 10 mins away, he doesn’t KNOW my daughter and i are still in PJs at lunch time. If he sees it on Skype, he can just imagine i’m having a rough morning following an even rougher night and i’m entitled to some laziness.

This was only half the case today, but shhhh, don’t tell him.

So while i do love Skype and how easy it seems to make the travelling. By week 2, i’m done and i’m just ready for him to come home. The idle chit chat doesn’t get brought up. It seems if we’re making time to sit in front of a low light web cam, i’m not going to bring up that our son forgot that he brought lunch yesterday and bought it instead. Meanwhile a perfectly good lunch is sitting in his backpack feeling like it got a stay from death row. However, there’s nothing really of note for me to bring up that makes much difference in his day. My Moms Club functions hardly register on the big importants for him.. he’ll listen, but it’s like me listening to his work chatter. I just want to hear he misses me. So he’s really damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t by this point. If we don’t bring up what the other wants to hear, it’s just work to talk about other stuff.

He talks about work more the second week.

You can’t exactly roll your eyes undetected on Skype.

I have to look interested where, if it were a phone call or email, i could put it down and walk away til it got interesting.

And i have to contribute and ask questions to keep the conversation going.

On the upside, a head nod is completely admissible. Doesn’t work as well over the phone.

By week 2 the kids could care less that daddy is on the computer. They just want to play with the mouse and the keyboard and the tons of shit i have surrounding the desk. Everything else is more interesting and we pretend that doesn’t hurt his feelings.

Which brings me back to having to look acceptable for a phone conversation that happens to be hosted by a web cam. When i’m on the phone, i don’t have to look at myself and see what i look like talking.

I don’t like looking at myself that much! It’s distracting. I start thinking, “Damn! When did that pop up?!”  and  “Has that been there all day?” or, “I should call a dermatologist about that.”  and the favorite. “Oh weight watchers, how far i have fallen!”

Where he looks great regardless! F-ing men. They can age gracefully while we take on all the other shit .. as per usual.

I figured out the other night why this is. A breakthrough!

Moms/Women take on all the stress and worry of life. Who’s the kid playing with at school/ What bad words will he say to the teacher/ when is the next pediatrician appointment/ has the diaper rash gone away yet / which store is having the sale on oranges this week/ who’s low on stock for lunches/ are we out of diapers/ which autopay needs to be postponed ’til the next check/ how long has it been since the sheets were washed/ what will i wear in replacement of clean underwear (this one, to be fair, must register with my husband since i’m so awful at laundry)

This is what we have running on a constant ticker tape in our heads all day. Compare this to:

I wonder what’s for dinner/should i put gas in the car, or has the light been on for only the drive TO work/i wonder if i have to take the trash out tonight/when in the hell am i gonna get laid/what happened to all my socks and underwear?!

Which will show more wear and tear on a face over the course of, oh i dunno, say 10 years? !

MINE! That’s what.

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