Grieving is a Process

Grieving is a process all by itself. Everyone deals with it differently, and depending on your own level of sadness, it effects your day to day. The last time i lost someone close to me was my dad, and that was 11 years ago. I was single. I didn’t have kids to look after. I even got time off of my job to deal with it however i needed to.

When i got the news this week that my friend died, my husband was away on a 2 week business trip. My mom helped me maintain some sort of normal home life for my 2 kids but i’m still having to run around after the kids, trying to make arrangements to travel, getting my son to all his extra curricular stuff, getting homework done and finally picking my husband up from the airport yesterday…. picking him up after he found out his luggage had been lost for the second flight in a row.

So i’m now trying to run around and make the weekend as seamless as i can for my husband and mom. ( I leave in the middle of the day on Easter) It’s not that i don’t trust my husband to prepare the easter baskets properly … well yes it is. I do not trust my husband to PROPERLY take care of the baskets. While my son would be thrilled to find nothing but video games and Skylanders in his basket, my daughter will be less thrilled. Also, i have to pick up something for my mom’s birthday, which is also Sunday. She has been such a big help I didn’t want to jip her of something enjoyable.

Also, i had to find something to wear for the funeral. I am quite certain yoga pants and a pink sweater would not do, and at this point it’s pretty much all that a-will fit and b-clean enough to pack and go.

So I wanted to get the wardrobe ordeal over with first. I am not a fan of stripping down to my skivvies and trying on clothes right now when I haven’t exactly had enough time to let weight watchers magically change my body shape. I needed to get it over with first before all the other errands or i’d just procrastinate another day.

After searching high and low, and knocking some old ladies out of my way in the fat lady section of Macy’s , i finally pieced together something acceptable. Some black slacks that wont make the tell tale fat lady march music of “swish swish swish” every time you take a step.

I almost gave up on a top when i came across a nicely priced acceptable option. I didn’t even try it on. I took it all to the counter to find a line with no cashier.

People actually will stand and form a line in front of a vacant register.

I may not be firing on all cylinders right now, but come on, people.

So i marched to the next register that was actually being manned. Craziness! I hear the cashier being very over the top happy and helpful to the customer. Very nice to hear for a change. And then i’m up. I place my all black choices on the counter.

It’s spring, remember. Everything in the store is either coral or turquoise.

I have not one , but 2 black pieces of clothing… and i have no make up on. I am, amazingly, in jeans, though so perhaps that threw her off. No stretch pants.

She immediately begins chirping about how fantastic the shirt i chose is. She has to replace her own because she’s worn them completely OUT! Can you believe that? They are just such fantastic shirts and she couldn’t resist getting them in an array of colors.

I’m doing my best to play along. Really. I swear, i am.

Then one too many chirps later about how light and airy and pairing capabilities just sent me over the edge. I threw a bucket of mud on her rainbow.

“I actually picked it out for a funeral.”


I tried not to show my twinkle at her discomfort. In my own defense, this is something my friend Crystal would not only have gotten a good laugh out of, but would have done herself.

She sputtered her condolences and the only thing she could reach for across that muddy rainbow was “When is the service?”

So i played nice and told her the small details of my travel plans. She recovered nicely to her own credit, and I smiled genuinely and wished her a good weekend.

People don’t know how to react to news of death or funerals. I discovered this after losing my dad. It’s a slippery slope of emotions. You want people to acknowledge your loss. But you can only hear “i’m sorry” so many times before wanting to plug your ears and rock back and forth humming a tune to yourself. But if they don’t acknowledge it, they are assholes.

So i knew full well what the word “funeral” would do to Holly Sunflower at Macy’s but i couldn’t resist. As a grieving person you have to take moments of mirth wherever you find them … even at the expense of a customer service representative doing her very super splendidilly bestest on a Friday morning.



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