Kudos

Published April 7, 2013 by sarcasmica

Why do people applaud men who participate in the delivery room? Is it still so ‘modern’ that they are there? Can we please go back to giving all the kudos to the women who go through the 7 rings of hell that is labor all themself? … well, and the anesthesiologist, of course. My husband did great, but i wouldn’t give him a standing ovation. The drug doc? He gets a Bravo and a standing O.

And both times I successfully navigated those waters, i had great OBGYN that also get a pat on the back.

But the guys?! Puh-lease!

I’m watching Chelsea Lately and she’s interviewing Josh Duhamel.

Ok, first off i could think of a LOT more terrible cooches to have to watch a kid come out of than Fergie’s. How is his part difficult?

Chelsea asks if he’s going to be watching the whole ordeal and it got uncomfortable for a beat. Then he says his wife told him he wasn’t ‘allowed’ below her chest.

(that’s what she told him 40 weeks ago and look where it got ’em)  *snicker*

And then he says, “But i don’t know. I don’t see why not, it’s a beautiful thing, i don’t care if i see it.”

and the audience applauds.

I think we should put a camera in that delivery room and see how they do. I want to see him take a glimpse. I guran-damn-tee her vajay jay is going to  be far from the primped and groomed vajazzled beautiful oasis he once remembered it to be.  More like an overgrown cavernous opening that is layered with all sorts of fun unidentifiable matter.

And i’m sure pretty Joshy will hit the floor face first.

If he doesn’t, then we can discuss whether or not he deserves applause.

If her Doula or nurses are the sole link to earth while she is in the throes of contractions, he needs to be called out.

I should go easy since it’s their first, i know i know. I remember telling my husband that i didn’t want anything to permanently brain damage him and he scoffed at me…. afterall, he had been through it before. It was MY first messy rodeo, not his.

But i did feel a little relief that he was fully intending to be a man about it… or a woman, rather. He was going to be strong for me and he was. That first pregnancy and labor is terrifying. I remember watching any and every Baby Story so i could be ‘prepared’. My version of prepared is knowing someone before me had gotten through whatever unexpected bump that was thrown their way by the yet unknown little family member.

Thank goodness someone was paying attention in our birthing classes during Lamaze because it sure wasn’t me. I was planning 150% to get drugs so i didn’t need Lamaze.

Yea, big fat joke was on me. Me and the other 13 women having a baby at the same time with only one anesthesiologist.

The man was like Santa.

You didn’t care when he showed up, or through which door, just that he showed up armed with some tricks. A syringe of tricks. He didn’t make it to me until i was at 9 1/2 cm, but you know what? He showed up, and i got to enjoy my son’s birth by being numb from the waste down.

And i couldn’t even tell you if my husband looked. I don’t remember much, and what i do remember was only what was happening to my own body – silly me

So husbands, feel free to tell your wives how brave you were because chances are, she’s not going to remember! And it’s good to get used to that from the beginning because you now will take second place to that little goo-covered beautiful creation.

Look, don’t look. Cut the cord, don’t cut. As long as you change a diaper in the middle of the night, you will be a hero to your zombie wife.

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