Ever have one of those crap-tastic days? All you can do is just make it to bedtime and have everything around you not burn down?
This is that day for me.
I’m sure i’m being overly dramatic about it. I admit it. But it still kinda sucked.
It started with my Keurig burning me. My most beloved appliance turned on me, people!!
I made a big yummy breakfast for the kids. My oldest had a field trip today. I wanted him well-fed and prepared for said adventure. I even opened up his birthday party gift bags so i could make a creeper lunch sack for the event. He was so excited when i showed him this morning.
It’s nice when the small things excite them.
All was going fine until we sat down to do the practice spelling test he has every week. I do it the morning of because when we have done it the night before, he doesn’t do as well on his test.
The minute he sat down, his eyes glazed over. Every movement jellified his brain more and more until he was just writing random pairs of letters down on the paper.
It’s at these moments I try and lay out consequences and remind him he’s in charge of his own time management before school.
“You need to get this done because you do NOT want to be late today. You have to be there on time to get on the bus for the field trip.”
I was trying anything to snap him out of his weird lackluster attitude.
I of course inadvertently added to his stress by putting this out there.
“You mean i’m going to miss my field trip? !!”
“No. I mean if you don’t pay attention and get this done, you will be late. Just get it done and you’ll be fine.”
By now the damage was done, and after sending him away from me for a minute to get dressed, he came back to the table just as dazed as before.
We went around and around before i finally just scrapped the whole thing. I wrote a note that if he needed to miss his last recess to finish the paper, so be it.
He misinterpreted this as “he can miss the field trip”
which was completely NOT the case. As i explained… repeatedly.
I also tried to reset the mood by taking a second. Taking a deep breath. Giving him a hug. And moving on.
But i just couldn’t quite rally the troop and after doing our daily on the way to school song, he was marginally better.
I dropped him off and cried all the way back home.
It was one of those moments where i knew i was the worst mother ever.
So my 2 year old starts saying, “I’m sorry, mommy.” “are you sad, mommy?” “don’t worry about it.” “i’m sorry, mommy”
Which was adorable, but succeeded in making me feel like an even worse basket case.
I collected myself enough to get into the house and give her lots of hugs and kisses and get myself ready for the next outing.
The day went on to include a very brief skype conversation with my husband that didn’t go smoothly and i’m just left feeling kind of defeated.
In 30 minutes i pick up my kiddo who will be -thankfully – home safe from his field trip (the teacher was kind enough to keep me posted on how he did today) and I hope the evening will go better.
I suppose it’s not so much the worst things have happened to me today so much as my reaction and emotional stability have been less than mature and stable as a result.
It’s kind of like flying solo with two kids and a traveling husband who isn’t around for the small stuff. Sometimes the toll rears it’s ugly head in the form of a basket case self.
So hopefully i can root out and find some version of an alcoholic beverage to close out my day and give me hope and determination tomorrow will be MUCH MUCH better.