Dear Target

Published June 12, 2013 by sarcasmica

Dear Target,

I’m so sorry I contributed to the spread of germs in your store today, however, I really had no choice! After dropping my son off at school, i was staring down the barrel of day 3 home with sick toddler. I can only look at a snot covered face and the same four walls for so many days. (only 2, as it turns out) I am only human. Much to my own chagrin.

My daughter’s brain is rotting from all the shows and movies i’m freely letting her sniff and cough her way through. How do you say no to watery big blue eyes and “please bomby?” stuffy nose voice?

Have I gotten more housework done than usual? Yes. And i blame the germs for that 100%. This cold is forcing me up to a standard i have zero hope of maintaining.

I’ve also gained 5lbs from not being able to walk away from my refrigerator. And by walk away, i mean there must be a gate and a locked door between us for it not to phase me. My son’s birthday party leftovers have been screaming at me to devour them.

I managed to throw the cake away the next day.

You heard me. I am such a bad ass that i walked that 1/2 of a 1/2 sheet out to the can and dumped it. The body jiggle that accompanied me the entire way drove me even faster to do it.

So you see, Target, I really had no choice. The clincher is the steaming fresh cup of painfully slowly prepared Starbucks that awaits me each time i walk through your doors. Since i didn’t get to sleep until midnight last night, and my snot covered angel woke me up at 6:20, it was dire that i have this. If nothing else, it helped me safely navigate the van all the way back to our house.

Thank you for your understanding and compassion. I will overlook the fact she most likely picked up this ebola-esque virus from one of your jazzy bright red shopping carts in the first place.

Sincerely,

Cabin Fever Mommy

 

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