A Tale of Sin City

Published July 24, 2013 by sarcasmica

I feel like i’ve finished integrating back to ‘real life’. There truthfully isn’t overly much to relay in a blog about my Vegas trip other than it was very very much greatly needed, and it is equally as much appreciated.

It’s fair to say I lost my ass there, but in reality this damned thing is still following me around everywhere.

We had a family friend who used this term all the time for losing her money gambling. I always thought it was funny.

So I highly recommend the Westin in Vegas. It’s not glitzy and glamorous, but there’s a reasonable casino downstairs with all the staples; nickel slots, penny slots, drunks and 2 carton-per-day smokers. But it’s not in the capacity of the big casinos. There’s a pool. A backyard type pool, but it is truthfully big enough for everyone. There’s even a jacuzzi. It was 105 out so essentially the  pool was kind of the jacuzzi, but I digress.

My great friend met met out there on Saturday. She made record time, actually. It’s amazing how fast one can drive when there are well-cared for small children behind you and a ’round-the-clock city with no child-related responsibilities ahead of you … and alcohol. Limitless alcohol.

Funny enough, neither one of us really ever got intoxicated… unfortunately. We did, however, see a Chippendale’s show.

Oh yea. Eat your cholesterol filled, buffet-fed, bachelorette party hearts out!

We actually set out to see Thunder From Down Unda’ but the show was sold out for the time we had available. We settled for Ian Ziering.

Do NOT pronounce that Eee-an, either, damnit. It’s I – anne. EYE-ANN!!

I could have lived my life without ever seeing the bare chest of the blonde afro-ed man, but fate had another plan I guess.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HA! Now you are in the club with me. See how seriously he takes himself?! SILLY!

So my friend and I found ourselves in a crowd of seniors, peppered with Bachelorettes bedecked with sashes, Birthday parties and regular old hormonal females like ourselves. I will not say it wasn’t fun. It was. But 10 minutes in my friend elbows me and says, “You HAVE to stop laughing at them.”

I couldn’t help it. It was such a cliche to be there. Then the whole bow tie nearly nekked Steve is there with his cheese grin… but eventually I let the hormones and overpriced “Sex With A Chippendale” signature drink take over.

Oh yes. This is not fiction I speak of. And the kicker was that I never even got buzzed off the $14 drink !!

The other bummer is that apparently when you are the size of a Rhinoceros drinking an alcoholic beverage with at least four types of rum in a closed room with smoke machines and screaming women and dancing men… you sweat.

Profusely.

This was a tad distracting for me. I kept having a flash in my head of some overly-confident or smart ass stripper trying to dance all over me (I was on the aisle) and to have him slip off and fall to the floor from his grease and my sweat. There would have been a mob if i had interrupted the show with a downed Chip… or Dale.

So we survived the show. Sadly, a sign of our age i’m afraid, we left in search of a bathroom.

Mid-thirties. Both with 2 kids. Guzzling a fruity cocktail beverage during an hour + show = potty time.

Sadly the casino didn’t seem to really understand the needs of middle aged moms and we had to tour half the casino floor before finding a loo.

So that was the first experience of the trip. I had never before seen a Vegas show and that was my first. The next one was “O” which my husband and I went to see the night before we left. It was, of course, amazing. The seats were dinky. Perhaps the Cirque theater design team felt all the viewers would be the same size as their acrobats and put in smaller-than-airline-seat seats.

My husband and I tested the capacity of our own, and the armrests on either side. I was lucky enough to sit next to a frightened looking thin-ish man, but my husband wasn’t so lucky. He got the Michelin man as his buddy. To which the man says to my husband, “We’re gonna be real close buds by the end of this.”  He was more intent on making a joke rather than switching seats with his much smaller wife.

The show was amazing and I loved it. Will definitely begin making a point to see these shows.

So all in all, it was a great trip! It ended, unfortunately, with a delayed flight home. Something neither of us made a point to check before leaving our hotel 😦  So we had a little more than 3 hours to kill at the airport. We were both upgraded to 1st class to make up for the inconvenience.

I wasn’t mad at ’em once I was in my seat 🙂

We came home to our little monsters and it’s taken me nearly a week to get back into the swing of life. I still feel like I need a nap every day, but i don’t know that’s much different than life before the trip!

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