Dear Children,
Yes mommy and daddy are going out on a date. WITHOUT you. And yes, the plan is that we will enjoy it! We are going to dinner. A simple plan. As we all know, the simplest plans have the most likelihood of working out. Something grand and expensively planned will only be interrupted by a fever or bodily fluids from one of you.
Mommy needs to go out on a date for some every single one of these following reasons;
1. Sometimes I need a reason to put on clean underwear. While I may preach to you about such things, we all know it’s you that gets nagged at before myself.
2. I need a reason to put on make up. A reason like a dark room where there might be low lighting and/or candle light to soften the bags and wrinkles and age spots and acne and random facial hairs that have begun springing up like weeds along one and all of my chins.
3. I like the alien feeling of wearing clean clothes that might or might not have an elastic waste. Something that drapes or flows or has a sparkle on it that is not glitter from one of your toys or crafts or clothes. Something I pray will still fit my ever-growing POST childbearing body years.
4. Daddy and I need to be reminded sometimes that we liked each other enough to actually make a person… twice!
5. I look forward to sitting down at a restaurant and choosing what I want regardless of spice, amount, finger-food, kid-approved, or french fry attendance. I sometimes revel in choosing what I want without a glance at a kids menu and forget to actually CHOOSE something.
6. I get to eat a meal before cutting into nano pieces and waiting for the luke-warm pall that grows over it
7. Sometimes it’s nice to have a conversation with daddy that doesn’t involve “Which basket of laundry is the clean one?” or “can you at least wash the underwear?” or “Do you think you might be able to get some laundry done today?” or “where are we on the bills? anything getting turned off i need to know about?” or “Is this a new recipe you’re trying?” or “is it ok if i just put the dish in the sink and not actually get it INTO the already dirty dishwasher?” or “did i tell you i’m flying out for work tomorrow?”
8. I’m going to eat a meal I didn’t make myself. Something with flavor. Something with pizzazz. Something that did not set off a smoke detector.
9. Mom needs to get her drink on.
10. Grandma offers free babysitting so why wouldn’t we?!
So yes, my little cherubic angelic boogers, daddy and mommy are going out on a date tonight and with any luck we get to worry about giving you a little sister or brother in 9 months! … before we remind ourselves daddy has been neutered.
Love,
Mommy & Daddy
Sarcasmica 