Reality Check

I had the fat momma reality check today. In case you’ve never ever read my stories or have no idea who I am here’s a factoid tidbit for you.

I’m big.

Not like “oh, you put on some weight after the kids, it’s ok”, but like, “Damn! Did you play for the Raiders?!” Big. Being tall was always something I was proud of. Some girls don’t like sticking out and being the tallest in class. I knew it helped the weight thing. You can get away with being overweight when you’re tall because it doesn’t always show like it would on a horizontally challenged person.

So i started out tall. I added lots of sugar and snacking and ended up  being wide as well. You know, just to balance it all out.

Then I had a baby. Oddly, i didn’t gain that much weight during pregnancy because i was thinking ahead. I was proactive about weight gain and did most of it before getting pregnant

But seriously, no one talks about the AFTER pregnancy weight you put on. When you are delirious with lack of sleep. Your nerves are fried from a colicky baby, and you have no clean underwear – let alone dishes – the last thing you want to do is cook. At least, it was the last thing I wanted to do. … besides getting pregnant again or having sex, it’s the last thing i wanted to do.

So we ordered in. Who delivers easiest and quickest ? Pizza.

Second only to ‘grab n go’ dinners a’la Panda Express. The mexican food place that was down the street from us. Any number of buildings that house all the pots and pans and employ all the dish washers and cooks. This was life for the first year.

We did our first state move when my son was 2.5 yrs old. Moving from AZ to TX you HAVE to go out and experience the food. It’s BBQ land!

So we did. Thank you, Rudy’s. Aahhh-MA-zing meat. .. and sides… and pudding dessert

rudysAnd when we needed a break from BBQ, we had our favorite Mexican place, Mesa Rosa. My husband ate untold amounts of ‘pollo fundido’ here. It’s a fried chicken breast covered in cheese sauce, with a size of cheese sauce for your chips.

.. you know, to lubricate those arteries. Always thinkin’.

portal gun

We moved back to CA after 9 months of hard work testing and sampling and tasting all over Austin, TX. After a few months, we had our daughter. I started out 10 or 20lbs heavier with her, so that’s a wash, right? I gained less during that pregnancy, so it all evened out.

It was about the time she was four months old and I had to look at myself and all my chins in all the newborn pictures of her that I was adamant I had to do something about my weight. I joined Weight Watchers and slooooooowly dropped 20lbs. I had a friend that was doing it with me, so that made it much easier.

Then we moved back to TX. We revisited all the old favorites, and even found some new ones! There was a great joint right around the corner from our house where I met new friends weekly for our much needed ‘Friday momma lunch bunch’. I miss those ladies an untold amount and miss them even more than all the food in Texas! Our main spot was Kerbey Lane Cafe and they had an amazing breakfast spread… and lunch .. and sides and desserts and salads 🙂

kerbey lane

And when my husband and I tricked visitors into coming to stay – gramma – we got to escape to our favorite date night/movie spot ;  Alamo Drafthouse!

alamoThis is the Disneyland of movie watching. Fresh popped real popcorn with actual butter served in a shiny metal bowl. Drinks with refills by actual waiters that come to you to refill it. A full (albeit high-priced) menu and my favorite… FRIED PICKLES!

Somehow I managed to continue my weight loss with Weight Watchers and capped it off at a total of 40lbs while in Texas. Once I hit that 40lbs, I felt done. Despite knowing better, once I hit that number it was all over.

We very much enjoyed our last stint in Texas, but alas… we had to make our last move here to the good ol’ Northwest. We’ve been here a year and a half now and love love love it.

So back to my original point… since being just in THIS state, my doctor was scared to talk to me today about how much weight i’ve gained in the last year and a half. When she asked me if this is the heaviest i’ve ever been, i had an urge to say, “Nope! I’m still down 80lbs from my heaviest while working at the circus! Goooo ME!” Just to maintain some sort of pride. But I stuck with honesty … damnit.. and admitted that is, in fact, true. This is the biggest. In that way, it makes me feel i’ve hit a wall of what i’ll tolerate from myself and now it’s time to get back to reality and losing weight and making better choices at home for me AND my kids. I’m setting them up for the same issues if i don’t knock it the hell off. My genes aren’t conducive to me being so careless. I have rampant heart issues and lots of diabetes in my family, so i know better.

And yet… i still want a Panera bread bowl.


This is my fight. Food. I love it and it wants to kill me… kind of like an 80 year old wealthy dirty old man marrying a 20 year old gold digger.

To anyone living near me, hanging out with me, or having to deal with me in person: In the next 30 days while i accept what i have to do, please bear with me. The fangs and head-spinning will stop eventually. I promise all the hormones will even out and i’ll once again become a human with only one head, and mouth. Hang in there and i’ll do my best to keep the turkey legs and hamburgers out of my mouth.  🙂


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