She’s 3

Published November 5, 2013 by sarcasmica

It’s official. My darling sweet fun and obedient daughter is now a 3 year old

*horror music*

This is an ode to my daughter. I have to write it all down  before the 3 year old sucks the ‘early years’ out of my brain!

She was such a perfect baby, minus the thrush experience we had to deal with when i tried breastfeeding. But at 11 weeks, she began sleeping 8 hours.

An ELEVEN WEEK OLD slept EIGHT HOURS every single night! I knew how golden she was due to my insomniac, colicky first child.

Aside from a cold here and there, and a fever now and then, she was totally healthy.

I don’t know who started the myth that 2 year olds are terrors. Perhaps a mother of multiples. I cannot even imagine that reality. But i’d like to start a movement that declares the true start of mommy hell – the 3 year old.

At 3 selective hearing really sets in. She is one foot from me and I tell her to pick something up, and it’s like i’m a ghost trying to connect to another dimension. I might actually believe she had a hearing problem if I didn’t detect the everoslightest smirk that sometimes shows up on her face at such moments.

No matter how cute the kid, the 3 year old-ness will test your tolerance and sense of humor.

At 3, the little sibling begins to understand just how fun it is to torture their older sibling. It’s a twofer. Not only can they make their brother/sister nuts, but in doing so can also coax all sorts of fun phrases and volume levels out of the nearby parent! Double entertainment value for the price of one!

Neither of my children ever necessarily liked being naked. I see this as a blessing. All the less naked butt trails across my furniture and rugs. The scooting dog has that market cornered. But today, for some inexplicable reason, after going pee pee on the pottty to the bathroom she decided to leave the offensive undies and PJs off.

Freedom looked like it felt pretty good. It took the form of a whirling pale dervish with wild troll doll hair spinning about the room with gleeful cackles shrieking from her face.

“I naked, mommy!!! I naked!”

Who can blame her? She has a flat tummy, and thanks to the miracle of toddling, the rolls on her thighs have finally stretched into impossibly long preschooler legs. I’d be running around naked myself if all my emergency resources didn’t hinder my movement! I silently told her to enjoy it while it lasts.

My 3 year old has gone from being a champ eater, sometimes having two helpings of whatever is on her plate, to now rarely eating. While we endured a whiny complaining moaning and groaning 7 year old, I could always count on my daughter to silently vacuum up whatever was given to her into her mouth with little protests.

Now it’s outright instant refusal. Like the plate itself is the problem. Maybe i should look into toddler troughs?

If it’s not a hot dog or a french fry, she is not interested. This goes over fine with me after the initial coaxing because the reality of all the snacking she does all day long speaks for itself. She isn’t wasting away or starving, so i’m gonna just roll with it.
(i told the pediatrician this very story at my daughter’s 3 year check and she chuckled and said, “If every parent were as easy going and understanding as you, my job would be much easier.”)  = proof the first one is really just practice and training for the subsequent brain snatchers angels.

So to all you first time/new/new again/second etc time parents: strap on your harnesses, fasten your tampons, and tie your boots because this is just the beginning! From here it’s a roller coaster to elementary school. Now it’s all about entertaining and pleasing the little tyrant. It’s about social graces and manners and learning. Before we just had to incubate them, bring them into the world, and then keep them alive.

Who knew that was the easy part?!

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