Face Poking

Published January 8, 2014 by sarcasmica

So my day started with a needle in my nose. How did YOU start YOUR day?

I am always on the lookout for skin abnormalities. I grew up in Southern California and since lived in Arizona and Texas. I’m now ‘safely’ under the cover of clouds in the Pacific Northwest and seemingly in much less danger from the big “C”. I know this is probably a false sense of security, but come on. Walking through an asphalt parking lot at the mall in Arizona in 114 degree weather has got to be much much more threatening than the 55 days of mild sunshine we get up here. If nothing else, the ground does not reflect the blinding rolling heat waves that wash over you in between air conditioned environments in the other states i’ve lived in.

So about a year or so ago I noticed a small brown freckle-lookin’-thing on the end of my nose. I’ve been watching it, and somehow in the mind-numbing awareness, I forgot about it. It dawned on me a few days ago the thing looks different. I made a call to the dermatologist and my three year old and I took a field trip to her office today.

Everything was great, friendly, casual. They had me plop onto the table and lay back. The assistant kept me talking and asking questions as she’s gloving up and walking toward me with a needle.

I don’t mind needles.

Until they are stuck into the end of my nose, that is. I was not warned, i was not told what was going to happen. It seems some people nowadays expect you to devise what’s about to happen to you simply by observing your surroundings! The nerve! Afterall, i was there to be looked at for something specific. The doc looked at my skin through a loupe and said, “hmmm. I think it’s nothing, but let’s biopsy it to be sure.”

That was presumably clue #2. (#1 being that my ass was on a table at a derm office)

She left the room while the assistant gloved up. Putting the needle in her hand was clue #3. My lying down with her coming at me with the pointy end was clue #4.

Pain, dudes. Pain. I’ve evicted 2 kids from my body (well, technically only 1 since he was induced and the other came out of her own free will)  and endured countless pokings and prickings from needles since. Let alone the two tattoos sitting on my body advertising my lack of needle-phobia.

But apparently there’s not much to pad the pain in the tip of your nose. I tried to keep talking…. without moving my lips so as not to effect the needle placement. My eyes welled up and I watered the tissue paper covering the table.

I thought I was done. I was out of clues. I wouldn’t have been able to see anymore around the tears that were rolling down my face.

The doc came back in time to turn on the turbine-sized sun-watt light in front of my face and tell me to lay back down.

I deduced the needle was to numb me for her scraping the sample for the biopsy.

So I’m laying there with my eyes closed to the sun light, my eyes are watering like crazy, and now the tip of my nose is numb. The feeling was incredibly uncomfortable. Terribly uncomfortable.

While the anesthetic surely protected me from the pain of the scalpel, it just resulted in replacing the pain for extreme discomfort.

Upon glancing at myself in the mirror afterwards, i discovered some of the sensation was due to the fact that the end of my nose was completely swollen and bulbous.

So i’ve replaced a small light-colored mole for a bulbous-tipped, triangular-shaped carving on a once-pointy straight nose.

Call me mommy Pumpkin.

I had to stop at the grocery store afterwards (of course) and all i could picture was me standing there at the checkout with snot dripping from my numb nose while the checker looked on in horror.

Thankfully this embarrassing reality only exists in my mind. I’m now home and resolved not to leave until I can feel my own snot once again.

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