Birth Control


Todays birth control was offered to the new neighbors in the form of my bratty 7 year old fighting over the ride on toy the new kids have generously shared with my 3 year old snotty, runny-eyed, screaming and crying sick daughter.

Nothing like a germ-infested scream fest with the sibling to cement the relationship with the new neighbors.

Thanks, children, for making everyone else look sane and mentally put together.

The mom, who had previously been standing and maintaining a constantly interrupted conversation with me, began setting up the dinnertime escape as things started to really get ugly. As mine started turning up the volume, she began slowly backing out of the driveway. Ever the jokester, I asked, “What, you mean to say this isn’t entertaining for everyone to watch?” as i silently stared daggers into both my children’s skulls while walking directly at them like a charging rhinoceros.

She nervously chuckled as I herded mine towards my house.

Nothing like a little public show of dysfunction to really solidify a new relationship! She tried telling me before the chaos how her kids really could be little terrors behind closed doors. I got the feeling she was just trying to make me feel better about my foaming, wild-eyed, snotty, screeching animals. Sort of like that one friend you have that apologizes profusely for the horrendous mess of a house when one toy is on the floor and two dishes are daring to muss the sink.

If only I had the tools to properly wrangle my children. Something like an, oh i dont know, positive parenting class perhaps? Nah! thats insane! I need a bubbly cauldron and a trusty broom!.

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