This past week has been a busy one here in Sarcasmaland. Truthfully, I’m not sure how many pithy observations I have, but figured I needed to write down what I remember at least up ’til now.
My mom moved here a year and a half ago and has been chomping at the bit to go to Forks since she landed. I’ve been putting it off because of my husband’s hectic travel schedule last year, and well … i’m just not a Twi-hard. I’m not even a Twi-soft. I’m a non-Twi. I lie somewhere between Anti-Twi and Nether-Twi. Antwiclimactic, actually.
So this was the weekend for our trek. Just she and I covering half of the state of Washington.
*disclaimer* My mom occasionally reads this and lives with us, so I will tread lightly 🙂
I had to map out the route around a ferry ride. This is not a huge deal to 99% of the population here, but for me it was slightly daunting. I couldn’t even tell you why. I just don’t much like driving into an unknown situation where my own ignorance has the potential of pissing off a whole lot of people. My direct sarcasm and straight-forwardness pissing off people isn’t as much of a big deal, but ignorance is unacceptable.
So I purposely started our route south, and then north near the coast. This way we would drive directly up to the National Forest where we were advised to check out The Hall of Mosses in the Hoh National Forest. There was much banter about “Who you callin’ a Ho, Ho?” and signs marked lower Hoh road and Upper Hoh road. We determined it was much better to follow the top ho, and not the bottom.
We went, we ‘hiked’ (for me anything with a dirt trail falls under the hiking category) for a bit and then hit the road up to Forks.
Once we got to Forks, it was pouring down rain – go figure – and pretty unforgiving. As we pulled in, the visitor’s center was one of the first buildings. We got a good look at “Bella’s Truck” parked out front and a from-the-dry-car picture of it.
This was how most of the rest of the driving tour went. The town was less than awe-inspiring. It was clearly a tiny small run down-ish town that no one would know about if it hadn’t been the setting of sparkly vampires and emo werewolves. We obviously went after the movie heyday of the town, so it was even more vacant and run down than it probably was three years ago.
So we did the rounds. We saw Bella’s house which, incidentally, is for sale if anyone is interested in dropping off the face of the earth. It’s a nondescript home someone plunked a “Swan House” sign down in front of. We went to the hospital where “Cullen Parking” was driven past only a few thousand times by previous super fans. It was on the side of a tiny portable administration office in a flooded out parking lot.
Is this sounding like a fancy four star tour yet? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to give it that impression.
We also saw the police station and, of course, the high school. I had to pry my mom out of the car to get her picture with the sign. Somewhere along the way from sixty-something to sixty-ish she became weather resistant. And I don’t mean weather proof. I mean she resists weather. Specifically, cold/wet/snow/rain/damp weather.
wrong state to live in if that’s an issue.
So we did the tourist thing which lasted all of 30 minutes. At this point we needed to check in and find food. It was 3pm and we hadn’t had a meal since 7am. Obesey Me and Diabetic Deb needed food stat. We got a recommendation for a local coffee shop. My mom was beyond excited to soak in some local ‘flavor’.
The giant dead animal heads were the least of our problems. It was a glorified mobile home with pink rafters and a sliding glass door as the only entry. The booths were clean and the place was open. That’s where the positive review stops. The food was completely horrible. It was like a TV dinner from 1985 was reheated and served to us by the oldest looking 30 year old i’ve ever seen. We escaped out of there while our bowels were still on one place. We did a little more driving around and then decided to kill time at one of the only other open shops. A candy/toy/ice cream shop.
We began to notice a theme in this town. The ice cream bins were from the same decade as the TV Dinner.
After this we decided we had plenty of time to head up to La Push and First Beach to check out wolf town.
to be cont….