Goiters

Published April 17, 2014 by sarcasmica

Today’s first dilemma was to make up or not to make up. For my drivers license the question is do i want to capture my everyday haggard no make up self and have to see it for the next six years, or do i put on shellac and fool anyone who wants to see my license? I opted for a subdued made up “look”. It was still screaming yoga pants and comfy shirt, but it wasnt Vogue-Homeless. In other words, lipstick -dug out of the purse crumbs at the bottom- and eyeliner.

I may have eluded to the fact that i’m a plus-sized momma. I’m also tall, which helps. It helps everywhere except the DMV. I have perfected the art of a selfie and this includes the technique of ALWAYS holding the camera higher than your face. This is a must if you want to avoid showing the extra chins. ..you know, for those people that have that problem.

I stepped up to have my headshot mugshot taken. I had made sure to tuck the bra straps, check the hair, and pull my shoulders back. I stood up tall and smoothed my shirt. I was ready! Then: “Look at the flag” which was at the bottom of the square before me, which was maybe at my boob level. well below my face. I tried not to think about it as the flash went off. I felt decent about it until she handed me my temp print out.

My new address was 500 Goiterville.

All my fussing over the shirt and the shoulders resulted in an obese tortoise stuck halfway between head in and head out of his shell. I’m stuck with this photo for the next six years!

There is a curse on my DMV pics. The last one was when I was in Arizona. I was pregnant with my son when i went in for that photo.
“awwww”
Yea, except whats the best time to get to a normally crowded DMV? The morning. What do pregnant women do first thing in the morning? (and/or afternoon & evening) Puke.
I was ralphing in a trashcan outside the DMV 10mins before my pic was snapped. I slapped some lipstick on and shook my hair out and made the best of it, though. But Jabba the hut neck-face?!?! (think cankles for the head region) How am i supposed to work with that?!

I left more determined to go back at renewal time with a completely different weight and roll situation. I have six years to make it work. By then I will have a teenager. I will have all white hair and more wrinkles than rolls -i hope ..??

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2 comments on “Goiters

  • If anyone ever managed to get an attractive id photo, I’d die of shock. It’s like they want you to look terrible. I practiced my smile. I look like I have to poop. 😦

    Like

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