In Search Of

A new husband. He must be a dentist or orthodontist. My husband is aware I must leave him for a new man. He is more than on board, considering. We cannot afford my mouth any longer.

I woke up about a week ago with an excruciating pain in my face. Almost like my jaw was dislocated during sleep. I have had TMJ forever, but it’s never been a problem – per say. Well, in one night it became a huge problem. I went to my dentist who proceeded to put his big blue gloved sausage fingers in my mouth to manipulate and stretch my clicking and sticking jaw.

It was weird.

For someone with public intimacy issues, it’s never comfortable for a strange man to put his thumb in your mouth.

I was sent on my way with a recommendation for muscle relaxers. Jackpot !!

Today I went for my follow up and after more fingers in my face, he asked what my long term plan was for my teeth.

“uuuuhhhhh … my plan is that three of my husband’s four kids are about to be in braces, apparently. My plan is I can’t afford a plan for myself.”

I have 7 baby teeth. One of which is very loose. This happens to be a canine. I have a smattering of places in my mouth where my weak little teeth are placed, and this is causing serious issues with making a cost-effective plan.

‘Cost-effective’ and ‘dentist’ never seem to go together

I came home from my appointment and informed my husband of all the minute details and depressing facts and came to the conclusion I need a divorce. I need to find an eligible dentist husband for a short period of time, and then I can re-marry my current husband.

This plan will be far less painful and expensive than going the route I have been suggested.