All posts for the month August, 2014

Happy Labor Day

Published August 31, 2014 by sarcasmica

This labor day, I will reflect on the fact that labor was the easiest day with my oldest child. 7 hours of labor without drugs until the glorious shot of spinal drugs at 9.5 cm. Screaming into the face of my steadfast husband as my uterus contracted and my cervix opened up to spit this little piece of work into the world was the easiest day in comparison to this evening.

I know that is not what labor day is really about, but for me, right at this moment, it is. As i come down from an adrenaline rush of 45 minutes with an 8 year old tantrum involving lanky leg kicking and arm swinging. Brace-lined teeth sneering and growling. High pitched squealing and crying and yelling.

Momma needs an IV cocktail.

At least my husband was here to tag team in on this one. The last one did not go nearly so well.

Aren’t new school years FUN ?!!?! For parents out there with sensitive and emotional kids who cannot process the complexity of life sometimes, you will understand this rant of mine more than others. For those of you out there simply scratching your head or wondering, “Jeez lady, how hard can it be? Just discipline the kid” or “One weekend at my house and he’d be set straight!” I can tell you with all the confidence I can muster, “Ha.” .  “Ha” with a side of “Why didn’t I think of that?” because I have. In abundance. There are just some personalities and some tweaking that you simply have no control over.

There’s something they leave out of the brochures! Control over your children is not a guarantee. Control over surroundings, circumstances, consequences, rules, schedules yes. Control over your child’s emotions and reactions and logic? No. You can set them up for success all you want, but if they refuse to abide by it regardless of consequences and instead allow their emotions and impulses to make their choices because they have not yet mastered the sticky and tricky process of managing feelings and processing emotions, you are left with one very exceedingly frustrating situation.

The day started well enough, but admittedly became a very long and exhausting day involving a lot of travel and patience. This coupled with a looming new school year at the third elementary school between Kindergarten and now 3rd grade is apparently a lot for my son to handle in his own head. If he wasn’t such a punk about it all i’d feel sorry for him!









One More Day !!!!


Just. Done.

Published August 29, 2014 by sarcasmica











This is your brain, and this is your brain on summer break.

The End.

Looking Forward To …

Published August 25, 2014 by sarcasmica

All the things! Namely:


HOT coffee any time during the day!
Back To School Cocktails

New sitcoms 🙂

All the Pumpkin flavored things!!
Something/anything i’ve baked in the oven

I thought i’d take a break from the school year anticipation and look forward to all the cold weather fall things that I miss. Northwest Summers are beautiful, but non air conditioned summers are not my bag. I want to have my windows cracked, not wide open with fans all over the house. I want to have a blustery wind blow through the front door when someone comes in… not just sweat. I’m looking forward to my kids taking off their helmets and NOT having to mop sweat off their heads. Bike riding and playing in jeans and pants so my daughter can finally start growing the skin over her knees again.


Published August 25, 2014 by sarcasmica

Well, one week and a day, but who’s counting?

The school year is so close, I can smell the sharpened pencils and stale forgotten lunch leftovers. I’m having a panicky feeling like I have to suddenly cram some family time in this week. We need to go to Great Wolf Lodge and do a day trip and hit the beach and drive to an island and clean the house and do the laundry and fill out the prep workbook and and and and and …. find that tree that grows money for all of this to be possible. I hear it’s in the grove of Sanity Trees. You can pick extra brain cells right from the branches!

In reality, we will probably finally complete the hike up laundry mountain, and if we are lucky, get it all put away. Beyond that, I really have no idea… maybe play outside.

At the end of the summer I feel a false adrenaline rush at the thought of my son being in school in a week, and my daughter in school (for the first time) three days a week for 2 hours/day, and the simultaneous exhaustion from having both kids with me all summer.

I imagine all of my friends on these family excursions, camping trips, bonding experiences and here I am … at home, snacking, flipping through my DVR list, berating myself for not having done more.

Does the guilt ever end?! Is there a mom out there that says at the end of every day, “Damn, that was a wonderful day, and I did a fabulous job. Go me!” ? If there is , i hope she doesn’t live in my neighborhood.

I will put a positive spin on it and instead of feeling like I should be doing ALL THE THINGS, I will try and hug and kiss my kids and find things around this house that are fulfilling to do and help the days fly by.

I can’t wait to feel like summer flew by and I should be Christmas shopping 🙂


Mind Melt

Published August 22, 2014 by sarcasmica

“Have the kid do a workbook.”, I told myself. “What’s the big deal?” I thought. “It’ll be a great refresher!”
Go ahead and grab that pre-3rd grade workbook full of fabulously fun and colorful work. We’ll do it together and he wont realize it’s a review.

F*ck me, that was the worst idea ever.

Like, ever.

But not all at the same time. On one hand, i’m so glad I could deal with the squirming, boneless body chair fall this morning. What fun !!! I’m so happy we’ve begun the non-pencil holding pencil grasp 11 days before his new teacher has to see it. I’m elated to report that just the mere act of opening the workbook brought on spastic tourette’s spitting, brain melting sputtering.

What ELSE do we get to do today?!! Skin baby calves? Light my own hair on fire?!

We began with math. That came to a screeching halt when he actually requested writing instead.

“Absolutely! …. but we will go back to do one math page.”

The writing was only mildly excruciating, but the math…. oh my little baby Jesus, the math. Just stab my ears with a machete because all the hollering and wailing over TWO PLUS THREE was utterly absurd. And as if that was not enough, the real shit-kicker was the tantrum and blank look over every. other. +1 addition. fact.

Yes, kids, that’s right! We are gearing up for THIRD GRADE and my child cannot process the logic of ONE + anything.









Let me just dust off my mother of the year award and get down to business. Getting my son to process 2 + 1  was close to arguing the color of the sky with a buffalo.

I didn’t yell! I took my exaltation not in his ability to add a simple math fact, but the fact that I managed not to lose my shit.

How could I not? !! I don’t know. Perhaps the last ten weeks and two days of quiet peaceful relaxation with two children running tornadoes around this house and yard was enough to calm my overworked mind. You know, summer break? That tranquil, simple, easy time of year where every day is an open unwritten book [of spells] of possibilities [of punishment] and wonder.

So the bad news is I now have to suffer the consequences of giving my son’s brain a two month break from anything and everything resembling school work. The good news is his new teacher at his new school will only have to deal with a half rabid animal come Sept 2nd and not a full blown frothing, flopping, falling, and flailing beast.


Drink up.


Published August 15, 2014 by sarcasmica

My house is showing the tell tale signs of the end of summer.

Some of the current contents of my pantry:
Flamin’ hot cheetohs
Cheese Puffs
Pop Tarts
Crunch Berry Cereal

I never stock these things as a general rule, but you know what? I’m done with the ice tray snacks, and the cookie cutter sandwiches, and the fruit and veg monitoring, and so are my kids. Peanut butter toast and egg sandwiches get boring after a while. Want an Eggo? No? Pop Tart? Knock yourself out, kid. The best part is they don’t even want them toasted. Personally, I find that a huge junk food violation, but ask me if I care right now.

Healthy snacks during the day are the norm, but by now we are on First Day of School Countdown (18 days, by the way) and there are no vacations or trips or camps anywhere in sight. The result;  Want a grape? No? Ok, cheetohs is is. And you know what? I don’t give a rat’s ass!

Get that shitty orange powder on my couch, however, and the only cheetos you’ll find in this house will be under the furniture.

Right now I care that the small joys my kids are getting are daytime movies, orange fingers, and bribery pop tarts. And guess what? It’s a few less moments of bitching and moaning during the day. It makes up for out-of-creative-play-ideas-cranky-mommy who is just trying to make it to some semblance of “quiet time” before the headache sets in.

The other sign is the dirt gathering under my kids’ fingernails. You would think bath time and shower time would be a respite in the evening. One of the most desperate times of the day while my husband is traveling: post dinner, pre promised land bedtime, but nope! It’s just one more task, upstairs where it’s hottest, where the kids are needing help with the shampoo, the water temperature, the toy dropped, the bubbles are gone, i need a towel to wipe my eyes, where’s the soap, there’s a spider near the tub!, there’s shampoo in my eyes still!, more water, less water, i STILL need a towel to wipe my eyes!!

no.  just no.

Bathing the children is on a must need basis at the moment. When the animals stop approaching the kids even when they are covered in peanut butter, I know it’s time to hose them down.

So here’s to all the parents home and in the trenches this summer. God bless ya for keeping them alive. In possession of both eyes and all limbs. Feeding the buggers is only half the work, the amount of dishes and dishwasher cycles is enough to float an ark!

Bring on the pumpkin flavored EVERYTHING time of the year !!!





4K ?!

Published August 14, 2014 by sarcasmica

My site hit 4,000 views today! And i’m fairly certain at least 1,000 are not my own views. I’d like to give credit where it’s due for all of my posts that have received so many readers – and a painful few commenters:

1. My children. The crazy to which you drive me is boundless.

2. My husband. Your constant traveling and forcing me to deal with our offspring without a someone to tag in forces me to find my limits … and possibly an attorney

3. My fat. Self-reflection is a rare commodity, but you are the reason for most of it

4. Moving. While hopefully finished with this past time of our family’s, it has been the subject of quite a few entries and worries

5. Family. Mine is loud, annoying, prescription-inducing, joyful, loving, funny, and all mine. Fodder for what hopefully translates into a chuckle or two for those who are gracious enough to stop by and read a spell.


Here’s to many many many more posts, views, and hopefully shares and comments! CHEERS!!

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