My 4 Cents on Fifty Shades

Get over yourself, critics. I’m sick and effing tired of all the high and mighty BDSM protectors out there! This is a book.

Repeat: A book.

It is not a guide on how to dive into this lifestyle. It is not a manual. It is a fiction book. A book no one is forcing anyone to read. Mobs of S.W.A.T. team literates are not storming into suburbia armed with hardback books threatening non-conformists to read these titles or get beaten over the head with said novels.

If you do not support the ideas in the books – although, if you haven’t actually read the book, i don’t know how you can have an opinion – simply select something else.

Apparently everyone needs a platform, and for the life of me I cannot understand or fathom why so many people choose this one.

Pull the over-sized plugs out and get over yourselves.

And if you simply did not like the writing, or the story, or the grammar, why then does it have to be a movement? Can’t we just not like something and move along?

I’m hard-pressed to believe people reading these books are becoming hypnotized by the writing and leaving husbands and significant others to seek out seedy CEO kinky lovers. They are not being brainwashed into converting non-BDSM participants to convert. No one is being held against their will in red padded kink rooms underground.

I fail to see the five alarm fire in masses of mothers, so they say, flocking to their kindles to download some soft porn.

Because of the silly controversy over these books being talked about all over the media, I was compelled to read the first to see what the hubbub was about a couple years back.

I was not necessarily blown away by the writing or story. I was not bowled over by any abuse or rape or abhorrent physical conduct, either. It was a fairly silly, rather shallow storytelling of a co-dependent relationship that lent itself to kinky sex and exploration. … and i’m assuming authored by someone who is not a card – or crop – carrying member of this seemingly very protective and high and mighty society.

These are characters. Not people. This is a fictional story, not a memoir of an abused college student. And can I just reiterate that these are characters? Consensual aged characters?

Again I say, get over yourselves.

I didn’t see legions of Wiccans getting their wands in a twist over the inaccurate depiction of spell casting or potion making in Harry Potter.

Where are the mobs of Hobbits declaring unfair stereotypes and representation of their diets and traveling habits?

If people take these novels as a guide to try out something more exciting and different in their own bedrooms, who gives a flying necktie if it works for them or if they are properly following all the ‘RULES’ of play?! I thought the main premise for people who practice pretty dedicated and specific kink like this usually want to not be seen as the sole action of their sexual preferences? Why can’t we be tolerant of ideas anymore? And why is what happens in my neighbor’s bedroom my business?! Are the riding crop police randomly checking the knots and safe words of people in their bedrooms?

I understand these stories began as a sort of spinoff of the whole Twilight madness. Talk about inaccurate priorities! This is a story about a completely controlling, jealous vampire and the stalking of his painfully insecure and needy human science partner.

And it’s made a crapton of money.

Let’s learn when to put the blindfold on and just move along, and when to take it off and make a stand. Is your roommate beating his girlfriend? Call 911. Is your best friend being abused by her husband? Call CPS. Are you reading a scintillating book that is not necessarily based in reality? Don’t like it? Close it and donate it and pick up something else.


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