A Day Off

Published October 17, 2014 by sarcasmica

I’ve waited a little bit before starting my daughter on “lunch bunch” at her Preschool. For those of you not ‘in the know’ or for the dads out there, this is where you spend $20 for an extra two and a half hours of free time on Fridays. My kid gets to eat lunch with her friends, glitter stuff, and play on their mini playground which all adds up to way more fun than she’d have at home. So yes. I do it. Also, it’s good practice for kindergarten (hopefully) next year. Today was the first time she participated where I was able to spend all the time on my own. I didn’t have to go pick up my son halfway through the day like last time. It all made for a glorious smorgasbord of opportunities for me. Almost too many choices! … almost

So here’s how my amazing day went:

9:20: walk through the door after dropping off both kids and take a deeeeep sigh. Savor the silence. The sound of procrastinated domestic responsibility and understand that I’m not going to change that sound.

9:25: make a steaming cup of coffee and let the dogs out to pee

9:30 sit down with coffee and start ‘Parenthood’

9:33-10:20 actually watch the entire show without interruption.

do not get up and get snacks or drinks for anyone
do not change channel in other room
do not help disassemble lego tower
do not help find missing stuffed animal
do not blow/wipe nose
do not applaud and cheer lead someones bowel movement and subsequent independent hand washing and toilet flushing

do think briefly I should start a load of laundry… then commercial fast forward is over and go back to program

10:25 crate little pee-mine leaver and go upstairs to shower…ALONE!

10:30 dust off music app, turn on speaker and blast whatever the f**k music i want

10:32 look in mirror long enough to find every little blemish/hair/stretch mark I can find, but not long enough to become disgusted because “aint no one got time for that shit!”

 

 

 

10:35 dance over to the shower
think, “ohmygod i can still dance!”
continue dancing and shrieking to Maroon 5 despite only knowing every 5th word

do not turn off/down music for kids
do not poke head out to assess threat levels
do not answer questions from the other room
do not referee the fight happening on the bed
do not yell at all

shave only the parts I want -hubbz out of town = follicle freedom

do not justify danger of dancing in the shower to children
thankful the only loud offensive noises to worry bothering the neighbor are from iTunes and not me “parenting” the kids

10:45 exit shower, continue to shake my jiggly parts freely and without horrified looks from 4 year old daughter

do not feel panic at having a feeling about my body in front of daughter
do not respond to shocked proclamations and pointed fingers at “hairy parts”

10:50 remember I own make up and attempt to apply it

10:52 done with the grueling antiquated beautification

10:54 dress top to bottom all at once

11am get the hell out of house and get a pedicure!

I managed to squeeze in an oil change. I couldn’t make the day 100% frivolous and selfish. I am still a mom after all. Just a mom on a break.

After the oil change, I get lunch at a Mongolian grill spot where I will eat meat and vegetables without small DNA replicas complaining and debating and negotiating the entire meal.

I can really get used to this extended preschool day once/week.

I hope you all get a moment or 5 to reset your brains and enjoy a peaceful thought, or perhaps even a train of thoughts, this weekend!

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