Trying to Loose It

So I’m in week 1 of weight watchers. Now that i’ve got my health under reasonable control, I can take a moment for reflection. Understand, this is my first week back so nothing epic has occurred …. yet  🙂

This week began a bit rough with migraines, elevated blood pressure, new medication, possible diabetes and a lot of panic on my part. It was the first time I felt like my health was a danger. A real danger. I felt pressure to make a choice that would give me immediate results. Weight loss surgery, or Weight Watchers? I’ve done Weight Watchers one successful time and one follow up not-so-successful time before. I know I can do it. I know I can manage and take control of my life… even with two little monsters who snack all day, one traveling work-around-the-clock snacking husband and a no-vegetables-ever-thankyouverymuch grandma in the house.

It’s my life, and waiting for something to be different before I change is not an option.

I (pardon the pun) weighed all my options pretty carefully and did a quick initial conversation with a doctor I have never seen before about the surgery. I was in, on board, all about it until I watched a video explaining the procedure for the Lap Band. I had no idea your stomach is actually attached to the band, and I had no idea there is a port attached the muscle of your stomach just under the skin. (for band filling and releasing purposes) This wigged me out a little bit. I’ve never had surgery, either, so the whole process is a little daunting to begin with. Also, I must say after reading a lot of the boards and reviews and experiences, the Band has an overwhelmingly positive result consensus. The thing I hadn’t planned out in my head is the possible excess skin removal surgery that would most likely need to happen down the road. This is not a guarantee of course, and could very well possibly be a reality after Weight Watchers .. i don’t know. It’s certainly not a ‘must’ for WW. All of this combined with the liquid diet after implantation and the long list of can’ts and don’ts and throwing up and pain, etc etc etc changed my mind.

I want to be in control. I want to live within the parameters of what I enjoy. I will always enjoy food and eating, but I need a more healthy relationship with it and why I do it. I was successful at it once before, but I let stress and life stop me from maintaining and continuing. I want to continue eating Mexican Food. I love it. I want to continue eating Pasta and Italian food. I want to still go out and have dinner with my husband when I’m fortunate enough to have someone stay home with the kids so my husband and I can have adult conversation coupled with tall alcoholic beverages.

The beauty of Weight Watchers, when you use the tools, is that it’s easy. The beginning is easy. Following your points allows your body to recover enough to drop pounds without even doing much. All I have to do is stop snacking. Stop picking. Stop nibbling tasting trying testing snacking biting. It’s all calories going into your body! It’s unnecessary fuel you do not burn off. This is the first habit tracking helps you curb.

I realized today that my body does not appreciate being overloaded with food. And here I thought it did! My body just wants to function. My heart wants to beat, my blood wants to flow, my liver wants to do whatever the liver does, my kidneys want to filter something and make me pee. My body doesn’t want a burrito. My body doesn’t want a handful of Pringles. My body wants water. That’s about it. Fuel, vitamins, and water. My BRAIN wants the burrito and the Pringles. My tongue wants the chocolate and salsa… not together, of course.

If I can just change the way I think about my brain and body, I’m on my way. One step at a time i’m trying to change my programming. 38 years of programming needs some adjustment and tweaks and freedom to make mistakes and redirection.

I’m already feeling good. I’m already getting satisfaction not from giving in to an offered snack or a left-out counter goodie. I’m getting satisfaction from saying “No thank you” and NOT shoving something into my pie hole. I’m also getting satisfaction from knowing what I am choosing to eat is within my healthy daily points. It’s satisfying knowing what you are putting in is absolutely a good choice and ok. And that’s all pretty cool.

One other things is being ok with feeling successful. I am going to be ok feeling proud of any of these achievements. Big or small. None of it is osmosis.

🙂