Bah Humbug!

Published December 16, 2014 by sarcasmica

I must admit that I am not necessarily in the Christmas spirit at the moment. I feel like a douchebag for saying this, but it’s true. We have now been in our house for a year.

Why aren’t I more happy?

We have a beautiful Martha Stuart FAKE Christmas tree in our living room. The lights are perfect. The nostalgic array of various ornaments are all hung – by my kids no less – and it looks great.

Why aren’t I more Christmasy?

It might be because of the fake tree. However, I did a real one two years ago during our first Christmas in WA and it was awful! My husband was away (shock) so I had to haul and lug the giant sappy needle-ridden heap onto the van myself, off of the van, up the stairs and into the tree stand solo. It sucked! I’ve since gone to the dark side that is the fake tree. My house doesn’t smell like cedars and pine, but if I walk outside I am intoxicated by it naturally.

So what gives?

I’m nearly all done with my shopping. I’ve actually managed to wrap 50% of the stash for once. This is unprecedented for us. I’m usually slaving away under mounds of wrapping paper and tape on Christmas Eve, sporadically throwing a boxed toy at my husband to wrap himself while I try wrapping the floppy shapeless toy that has eighteen appendages. My husband is usually toiling away with a screwdriver, nearly English instructions with stick figure pictures and three stripped screws attempting to put together a toy one of the kids will play with for exactly 13 minutes Christmas morning. We average a 1am bedtime on Christmas Eve mostly because I was unable to begin wrapping the presents early.

So … where is my cheer? Where is my goddamned Christmas appreciation and cheer?!

Perhaps I should check the bottom of a margarita glass?

No Christmas parties this year…. which I’m actually thankful for. I hate the idle chit chat. I hate the hob knobbing and elbow rubbing and dead conversation after the initial, “Sooooooo …. what do you do?”  “I’m a stay at home mom.”  “Ooooh, if you’ll excuse me I seem to have left my gainfully employed partner on the other side of the room. Excuse me.”

Countless times, y’all. Countless.

I’m sensing a serious need for some rum and ‘Nog. If you’ll excuse me, I have some intoxication to catch up on.


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