Published January 20, 2015 by sarcasmica

Im convinced im dying. I certainly hope i’m not because the thought of my husband being 100% responsible for the kids turns my hair even whiter.

Since becoming a mom, i’m terrified every cold I have is an opportunity to find my brain tumor. It cant just be a chest cold, it’s tuberculosis. My daughter has had a cough for the past forever, and now i’ve got it. I guess for me instead of getting croup, I get small Oscar the Grouch colored aliens that live in my lungs. Every morning they throw out a piece of themselves just to say hi. my kids freak when this happens. It is not natural to see Mom weakened, apparently.

2 nights ago as I was working on my remote control bicep curls I noticed a very creepy and unpleasant vibrating in my chest. When i tried to breath deeply, it hurt. I went to bed early as I was beginning to feel achy and headachy and chilled, but had no fever.

I woke up feeling much the same today. Rattly chest, gross green projectiles from my cough. I made an appt for the doc.

You’ll never guess what happened. After filling out all my symptoms, she listened to my chest and found nothing. Like taking your car to the mechanic and having it purr like a kitten. She sent me away with that look on her face like, “Thank you for taking my time from the zombies in the next room who are actually sick so you could come play patient with your kid in tow.”

I felt dumb. However, tonight here I am again with rattling goobers in my chest, a headache from all the coughing, and achey and chilled. This only comes on at night.

Naturally i’m convinced its cancer and my kids will wake up to find me unconscious and be absolutely incapable of dialing 911 from my cell phone.

These are just the light hearted musings of my SAHM mind. And of course this only happens when the husband is traveling.

Now I must go shiver my body to sleep while shallow breathing.


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