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All posts for the month February, 2015

The Old Watcher of the Weight

Published February 25, 2015 by sarcasmica

Yup, that’s me. I’ve been going to meetings since last October. Four months. Know what i’ve managed to lose?

ten pounds.

That’s it.

Actually, i’ve lost nearly 15, but i’ve been slowly adding pounds for the last three weeks. I’ve been limping into my meetings knowing full well that I haven’t tracked, monitored, activitied, or otherwise. The meetings were the jist of my effort.

Last week my leader asked, “So what are you going to commit to do this week?”  “Track.” “For how many days?” – damn pushy leaders always wanting an actual goal! – “Two days.”   “Ok, that’s a great start.”

I tracked for seven! From zero to seven! Now, about three weeks ago I got a bug up my butt to exercise. I dusted off a DVD a fellow WW-er let me have and did a “cardio dance” portion. Feeling like I needed a real kick in the butt, I invited (sorta) my neighbor to go for a walk with myself and my four year old, her bike, and my mini mutt.

The next day my back went out. Like, out.

I missed that week’s meeting. After about four days, I was well into the kids’ mid-winter break. I had my fitbit on and doing nothing more than collecting data to show me how little I do in a day. I was determined to get some kind of walking in, so I took the kids to the zoo. … along with the population of Seattle, it seemed.

Still, I tracked.

Over the weekend, I went out for a de-stressing dinner with my husband and worked out some of our recent issues. This, of course, involved alcohol.

Still, I tracked.

My son came down with a fever and chills Sunday evening. He made it that much more exciting by throwing in some night terrors and paranoia. He got to stay home from school.

Still, I tracked.

I felt zero motivation to lift nothing but my finger to recline my sofa, let alone my leg to lift a foot for 3K more steps.

I still tracked.

Next my daughter’s croupy cough came back and we all got to deal with the magic of waking up every single night to listen to the barking seal performance. I had the added bonus of administering a tiny  bit of medicine in a clear cup through half open eyes in the middle of the night in a dark room for six nights.

I still tracked.

As of last night everyone’s fever had broken, coughing had diminished (after a trip to the doc for the magic potion) and I was counting the hours until school this morning. (Wed mornings are my WW meetings, btw) I was looking forward to some me time. Solo time. Brain cell recuperation.

But my four year old had other plans. Everyone woke up fine. I gave the cough medicine. Then my daughter announces, “My stomach huuuuuuuurts”

“Here, have a little something to eat and drink to settle it. You had medicine, so you should not have an empty stomach.”

“ok.”

10 minutes later – URP – trashcan barf.

After ushering my whining “Now MY stomach hurts, mom” 8 year old off to school and my husband off to work, I stand on the scale to see that I have lost at least a couple pounds since my weigh in last week.

Figures.

I try to bribe my daughter to go with me to my quick meeting. These people have watched me break into tears, sit silently, wearing my discord with myself on my face. I make a pact with the leader and actually follow through, and now I have to miss the meeting after seeing I actually managed a loss after going above and beyond what I agreed to.

sonofabitch

I do one thing for myself on a weekly basis. I do not get manicures, I rarely get pedicures, I do not zumba or crossfit. I do not gym or cycle or paint or crochet. I do not scrapbook or wine or jog. I simply go to meetings where people talk about lifelong struggles and the tiny, miniscule, itty bitty measures that work on a day to day basis to get through trying to make a healthy choice each and every time they are near food. This is my me time. I have to miss out to play nurse for the idontknowhowmanynow days in a row all to the soundtrack of Nickelodeon in the background and the whiny, “Don’t you want to play with me?” groans from a person who may or may not projectile vomit at any moment.

Sometimes I just want to walk out the front door and keep on going.

I’d settle for being able to send my children away at a minimum of three days a week for 2.5hrs per day.

Not In The Plan, Man

Published February 22, 2015 by sarcasmica

I just survived a week at home with both children. The husband was out of town for 4 of those days. We did fun stuff, we played, we spent, we adventured, we managed. I was pleasantly surprised at how well everyone got along. (She said safely from the light at the end of the tunnel)

Now I should be looking forward to my reward. The giddiness and anticipation that is Monday Eve after a school break. The sleeplessness at planning what to do with all (2.5hrs) the solo time in store for me.

*XXX* (insert Family Feud style buzzer for “Wrong, Idiot!”)

Nope. The smell of freedom just got skunked. My kids are sick. Not one, but both. And it’s unusual for my big kid to have anything other than a sniffle or sneeze. He had full blown fever and chills tonight, poor guy.

My daughter is, of course, croupy coughing. Not quite the tuberculosis shuffle, but serious enough to put her in the near-bark category.

SonofaBiscuit!
Sayonara peaceful coffee sipping post drop off
Adios alone time
Peace out DVR

Freedom will be mine hopefully by Wednesday.

Conditions

Published February 18, 2015 by sarcasmica

I have a condition that is terminal. I have written about this before. It can be tragic, but mostly it’s just embarrassing.

Diarrhea of the mouth is a real thing. It’s out there. People live with this impediment daily and can do nothing to stop it. While Imodium AD is taken orally, it simply will not cure this specific area of discomfort and inconvenience.

Just when you think you’ve conquered it and figured out how to live with it, it rears it’s ugly head. Out of nowhere. There is nothing you can do to prevent it.

In fact, as recently as today I was blindsided by the monster. Speaking to a new parent at my daughter’s gymnastics class I found myself spewing information I could simply not hold back. The tell tale signs were there. The zombie-esque replies of “oooooh.” and “uh huh” followed by an uncomfortable lack of conversation.

And that doesn’t put a cork in it for you, either. You mindlessly continue on rambling about godknows what to the reaction on the face of the victim that clearly states; “TMI, dude, TMI!”

Only after you walk away from the conversation do the echoes of your topics play through your head. When you are in the moment all you can think about is another connecting sentence to the one you just uttered. The information and words just flow from your face like lava on an island.

The only thing you can do is interject random, “So what about you?”s into the conversation. The one-sided conversation.

Please donate your prayers and thoughts to the cause: Lonely mothers desperate to find friends. Women who realize all too late a filter should have been put in place. The Information Filter. I think it might consist of the following questions to ask in case of possible deployment:

1. Would you throw this information at your grocery checker?

2. Does this information contain details about your family that is not common topic during holidays?

3. Do you know the last name of the person you are speaking to?

4. Are you getting any follow up questions?

5. Is the recipient of your word assault looking for an escape?

There is hope ….. I think…..

(lifted from thinkingmomsrevolution.com)

Myself

Published February 12, 2015 by sarcasmica

My day is often (not always) about lots of other people. My husband, the (2) kids, my mom, the neighbor, her kids, the teacher at my son’s school, the dogs, the cat, the mailman, the bill collectors…. tonight i’m taking some written Me Time.

Some fun facts:

I’m tall. 5’10” 1/2 to be exact.
It’s become funny to me how this surprises people. Especially people who are around me. When you are tall and round,
round is always seen and impressed most

I’m a Libra
The whole even-stevens thing has seriously complicated my life at times. The idea of “fairness” as an adult doesn’t exist.

Math is not my friend.
I learned how to add/subtract using the idea of doubles/doubles + 1 from my third grader’s homework. He was appalled
and fascinated when he learned this

I used to be patient. Then, kids. The end.

I used to be reasonable. Then, marriage. Husband.

I used to be thinner. See above two happenings

I have lived in four states. One of them twice. The one I liked the least!
CA, AZ, TX, WA (guess which one was twice)

I have had a plethora of jobs in my life that all have given me great lessons and memories. I liked the last the best, and it was by far the most difficult, not including my current position as caged at home asylum patient stay at home MOM.

I have 2 brothers, but they were older than me and never around, so I have a unique personality of both an only child, and the youngest. Life could not be anymore about “me” in my own head. I think i’m doing alright, considering.

My parents divorced when I was 8 and I don’t remember much of anything before that.. honestly, I don’t much remember anything before I was 12.

I had a paternal grandmother that I loved dearly, though I had only met her once or twice as a small child. We wrote a couple of letters back and forth since she was in a different state and when she died, my dad did not take me with him to bury her. I never forgave him for that.

My father was not around when I was little. He would pick me up for a weekend every few months maybe, and I vividly remember always waiting at a window for him. He was perpetually late…. hours late. He never had money, so weekends were spent at his slummy apartment or we would go shooting with my uncle- his little brother. I loved it.

I secretly wished I was my uncle’s kid instead of my dad’s.

I always felt like my family was more important to me than I was to them.

As an adult, I had two friends from my childhood until one passed away unexpectedly almost 2 years ago.

My father died when I was 25. Just as he began making me a priority. Just as we started to really connect and have a relationship. I connect all of my signing/interpreting with the memory of my father and it makes it all more emotional. This usually means more difficult.

My dad once dropped a motorized sit down scooter and the aluminum ramp used to put it into a truck onto my feet.

I had a stepmother who stopped speaking to me after my dad died. They were married for 12 years. I still wonder if she’s alive somewhere out there.

I’m a stepmom. It’s a lot hard, and sometimes less hard.

I wish I had more friends. I wish my phone had ready accessible numbers for me to call or text people when i’m feeling lonely or lost… or mad at my husband

I want to go to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter with my kids.

I want to go to Disney World.

I wonder what people do at night when the kids are sleeping and the husband is nonexistent or not around.

I watch too much TV

I am a socially awkward individual. I’m dreading having to socialize with the other parents at the Valentine’s party at my kid’s school tomorrow.

I don’t do small talk or idle chit chat well.

I want a goat, but none of the responsibility of an actual life.

Sometimes i’m pretty certain i’m not a great grown up. I was an awful teenager and not a very good kid, so i’m wondering if i’m gonna be a kick ass senior citizen

I’m now sick of myself and this list has protected my husband and myself from ranting fully right now about what i’m not currently happy with. WordPress: 1 Divorce Lawyer: 0
(it’s not really that bad, but it was funny!)

Control

Published February 10, 2015 by sarcasmica

Today I took control.

Tomorrow is a different story perhaps, but today was deliberate.

I woke up, him & hawed over whether to do my WW cardio dance DVD & just got up and did it. One step at a time. If I think about missing the coffee, running out of time, not making lunches, not having time to (fill in whatever fits) I will talk myself out of it every time. Instead I just started with getting out of bed and walking downstairs. Then I put in the DVD and just did it.

I felt good. My kid had to buy lunch, but we made it to the orthodontist and everyone got their basics met.

Making lunch today I thought about my neighbor who has said she’s up for walking ‘whenever’. Here’s the text I sent her:

“Hi! I was gonna ask if you wanted to walk today… but then i realized you might say yes and i’d actually have to walk. lol!”

Bless her li’l heart, she offered to walk so we did. My 4 year old whining on her bike and my little mutt on her first walk and all. We did it. Slow, relatively short, but we did it.

I know I do a lot of caveching and moaning on my blog, and this past week has been particularly brutal, but i’m happy to say at least for today I had control over my choices. .. homemade (delicious) BLT and all. 🙂

Ugh Slug

Published February 9, 2015 by sarcasmica

I am hell bent on making myself fail my goals this week. It’s like Roid PMS Rage for 7 days.

What. The. Hell ?!?

I have been making some seriously bad carb choices and my hormones are like the bad girls behind the bleachers urging me on in my brain;
“Doooo it. You know you want to. Go aheeeeeaaaaad.”

Apparently i’m playing the part of Sandy to their pink ladies because I am all about it right now! Mocha? Sure! Bread? Load up ma’ belly! French Fry? Fo’ Sho’! Pizza? Perfectly pepperOKoni!

too much ..?

Tonight was my rock bottom….or pan bottom, rather. My husband worked late tonight. I did my own thing with my son for dinner a d grandma did her own thing while watching my daughter. I was responsible. While the kid was therapy-ing i went to the store and picked up the V Day cards and dinner. I passed right by the deli and did NOT get the Chinese food they were slinging. (i had Panda the day before!) I did not get any of the heat lamp 50 shades of brown fried hot deli food. I picked up a Thai chicken pre made salad and only used a little of the dressing and yummy toppings.

TOTALLY chubsponsible.

But when we get home I’m hungry. “Well shit, you just ate a salad, you can have something else!”

It wasnt pretty, y’all. Tonight i played the part of the oversized working garbage disposal. The topper, the “rock bottom” was my husband coming home late from work at 10:30 with a Dominos pizza box in his hand.

A pan pizza no less.

And since I hadnt eaten anything in about half an hour, I was starving so i had 2 slices.

Why?! Why do i do this to myself?! I do not like pizza. Especially Dominos pizza.

So now im going to bed with bingers gut/guilt/gain

Maybe I should try gorilla glue on my mouth next month during this newly developing Godzilla PMS time?

In Search of..

Published February 7, 2015 by sarcasmica

Hobbies

I find myself intellectually under stimulated as of late. In other words, meatloaf minded. Nothing is going on up there aside from a constantly incomplete running grocery list and kid schedules running through my otherwise empty mind. I need a hobby. I’d like more than one, but as Weight Watchers has taught me, set an achievable goal. We’ll start with one. What are some hobbies you have picked up post kid, as an adult, not requiring traveling or money or obscene amounts of socializing?

Here’s what i’ve got so far:

1. Laundry
2. How to eat more and gain less
3. Knit
4. Research vaccinations and brain injury
5. Put away laundry
6. Scrapbook
7. Housekeeping
8. Bake
9. Plot constellations
10. Paint something
11. Complete a planning oriented Pinterest page
12. Laundry
13. Clean something with a device more heavy duty than a Swiffer
13. Sit in a corner and rock
14. Take up heavy drinking
15. The fine art of listing goals

16. Keep the kids alive

I have limited scope or ideas. I blame it on the kids…and my own laziness.

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