Myself

Published February 12, 2015 by sarcasmica

My day is often (not always) about lots of other people. My husband, the (2) kids, my mom, the neighbor, her kids, the teacher at my son’s school, the dogs, the cat, the mailman, the bill collectors…. tonight i’m taking some written Me Time.

Some fun facts:

I’m tall. 5’10” 1/2 to be exact.
It’s become funny to me how this surprises people. Especially people who are around me. When you are tall and round,
round is always seen and impressed most

I’m a Libra
The whole even-stevens thing has seriously complicated my life at times. The idea of “fairness” as an adult doesn’t exist.

Math is not my friend.
I learned how to add/subtract using the idea of doubles/doubles + 1 from my third grader’s homework. He was appalled
and fascinated when he learned this

I used to be patient. Then, kids. The end.

I used to be reasonable. Then, marriage. Husband.

I used to be thinner. See above two happenings

I have lived in four states. One of them twice. The one I liked the least!
CA, AZ, TX, WA (guess which one was twice)

I have had a plethora of jobs in my life that all have given me great lessons and memories. I liked the last the best, and it was by far the most difficult, not including my current position as caged at home asylum patient stay at home MOM.

I have 2 brothers, but they were older than me and never around, so I have a unique personality of both an only child, and the youngest. Life could not be anymore about “me” in my own head. I think i’m doing alright, considering.

My parents divorced when I was 8 and I don’t remember much of anything before that.. honestly, I don’t much remember anything before I was 12.

I had a paternal grandmother that I loved dearly, though I had only met her once or twice as a small child. We wrote a couple of letters back and forth since she was in a different state and when she died, my dad did not take me with him to bury her. I never forgave him for that.

My father was not around when I was little. He would pick me up for a weekend every few months maybe, and I vividly remember always waiting at a window for him. He was perpetually late…. hours late. He never had money, so weekends were spent at his slummy apartment or we would go shooting with my uncle- his little brother. I loved it.

I secretly wished I was my uncle’s kid instead of my dad’s.

I always felt like my family was more important to me than I was to them.

As an adult, I had two friends from my childhood until one passed away unexpectedly almost 2 years ago.

My father died when I was 25. Just as he began making me a priority. Just as we started to really connect and have a relationship. I connect all of my signing/interpreting with the memory of my father and it makes it all more emotional. This usually means more difficult.

My dad once dropped a motorized sit down scooter and the aluminum ramp used to put it into a truck onto my feet.

I had a stepmother who stopped speaking to me after my dad died. They were married for 12 years. I still wonder if she’s alive somewhere out there.

I’m a stepmom. It’s a lot hard, and sometimes less hard.

I wish I had more friends. I wish my phone had ready accessible numbers for me to call or text people when i’m feeling lonely or lost… or mad at my husband

I want to go to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter with my kids.

I want to go to Disney World.

I wonder what people do at night when the kids are sleeping and the husband is nonexistent or not around.

I watch too much TV

I am a socially awkward individual. I’m dreading having to socialize with the other parents at the Valentine’s party at my kid’s school tomorrow.

I don’t do small talk or idle chit chat well.

I want a goat, but none of the responsibility of an actual life.

Sometimes i’m pretty certain i’m not a great grown up. I was an awful teenager and not a very good kid, so i’m wondering if i’m gonna be a kick ass senior citizen

I’m now sick of myself and this list has protected my husband and myself from ranting fully right now about what i’m not currently happy with. WordPress: 1 Divorce Lawyer: 0
(it’s not really that bad, but it was funny!)

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9 comments on “Myself

  • I’m tall and round too, only 5′ 9 1/2″. Which, I don’t think is tall considering everyone else in my family is 6′ and above, but according to the rest of the world it is…

    Like

  • You sound like a perfectly normal abnormal Aspie freak who is also a product of a stressful, love-starved early childhood: Your early memories suppressed due to tension in your home during that childhood–possibly even a traumatic or abusive event or series of same.

    –Armchair Psychologist’s Carefully-Considered Diagnosis
    (mighty tug-o’-war-type struggle to pull it straight out of his #ss)

    Not-funny funny post. It hurts, doesn’t it? I read backward, from your TMI post (very funny, BTW).
    Aspie-ness is loneliness. Or whateverness-it-is that is your deal.
    Um…I haven’t tried it, but the social anxiety med is supposed to be a real boon for some folks, Aspies and others, who don’t thrill to group events like parties, and you can use like a one-shot: You can take it just for those events–not daily.

    –O. Babe,

    Not hugging you virtually, ’cause that would be just creepy and awkward and the body equivalent of TMI (ew: Do we KNOW each other?!),

    but tentatively extending virtual fingers to gently place them on forearm (yours, that is–mine would be nice–I like my forearms, and like to let them know so–but it wouldn’t suit the situation) just for the barest moment, and only if it wouldn’t creep you out) in what is intended as a gesture of empathy and comfort.

    But what will, in all likelihood, be read as an odd, atypical, mildly-creepy invasion of your virtual space. Thus, you will note that my virtual fingers are holding something: That is my virtual standard one-form-fits-all apology letter, well-honed after a lifetime of Aspie awkwardness and faux pas to suit all occasions.

    Like

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