Words are toying with me today. It’s one of those evenings, I s’pose. I just tried to type “allowed” and it came out “aloud”.

Wrong but right?

This has happened in the space of five minutes at least as many times. Brain. Not. Functioning. Perhaps it’s the yummy chunky peanut butter toast I just ate? I dunno. And I don’t particularly care.

I’m ramping up for what is going to be a slightly more busy week than normal around here. My daughter is the all important V.I.P. tomorrow, which is teacher speak for glorified servant. She is the line leader and snack duty “chosen one”. In preschool this means she is the Elsa for the day … in her own mind. And that’s what life is with a preschooler; following the reasonable rules for reality in their own minds. So we are set with the snacks ready and bagged (mandarin orange cups, and store-bought, bakery – baked cookies) and sharing toy selected. Letter Y and Spring Things, here we come!

The following day my son has a field trip. This means i’ll be rooting around for Xanax or any kind of sedative I can find. Sudafed will most likely be the winner. Third grade and the field trips still send me into “What If” panic…. the quiet kind, though. The kind that usually results in the noise of chip bags and cracker bags being opened and then frantically closed. The refrigerator opened and closed repeatedly. Perhaps I’ll have to take myself out of the house for the morning so i’m not imagining him wandering off at the bathrooms, or getting on the wrong bus and ending up in Albuquerque. (as Bugs would say)

This brings me to one of the projects. Curtains. I am a lame duck at decor. Complete Daffy. I cannot commit to a color or a theme. I get all muddled when figuring out where to begin with an entire room. Window dressing seems to be the icing on the cake of a room, and what am I terrible at? Baking. Cooking. Anything domestic-related. I love me a paint chip, but when it comes time to throw down the gauntlet, it’s Anxietyville.

So now I have a bay window I have to ‘dress’. Blinds/curtains/combo? Who knows?! Double rods, single rods/tracks/ tie backs, I have no effing clue! Pinterest doesn’t help. It just shows me even more options I didn’t even know existed! Like having a spoon, but only one mini bowl in a room of 487 flavors of ice cream. I don’t know what i’ll like six months from now! I don’t know if the print will burn my eyeballs out after three months! I have no idea if the valance is a smart idea or just another thing I wont wash often enough.

I’m pulling my eyelids down to my nose in overwhelmedness, currently. In case you were wondering.

So I have the bay window to deal with, and also my master bathroom. We currently have the jerry-rigged tension rod-supported quasi shutters over the tub allowing for what I hope is plenty of privacy from the entire street. We found out today from the mold expert that SURPRISE! The windows need to be able to air out, and not have blinds trapping moisture and cold air close to them for days/weeks/months on end.

I’m going to have to replace them with airy, boob-blocking, junk-hiding bathroom curtains.

This is like SAT time for this domestically-challenged SAHM.

I know, I know, “Shut up, Sarcasmica! You want to whine about something, whine about having to work three jobs as a single mom!”

This is my blog, and the beauty of it is that I get to bitch and moan about my own reality. So this is my challenge this week: Buy curtains for two separate rooms. One of which has not one, but three windows. Don’t break the bank. Understand all the parts necessary to complete the task without having to go back to the store. Do this all with a preschooler in tow. A preschooler who is currently going through a particularly ugly Dragon-guarding-the-Dwarven-gold phase of orneriness and fire-spitting. And make sure the people using said rooms wont bitch about the color scheme/palette/print. If they do, you can always make the curtains out their sorry hides.

5 thoughts on “Words

  1. If it’s any consolation, I can’t “dress” windows either. My mother is surely ashamed. In fact, I can’t do much of anything domestic besides cook, which is sort of necessary in order to keep children alive. When I lived in apartments, I didn’t even know I had to put curtains up. They always came pre-packed with blinds… So blinds it was.


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