Nearly There

Published April 12, 2015 by sarcasmica

We are in final countdown mode. I have completed getting myself ready by visiting a chiropractor over the last week. The last visit was terrifying. Up until now we’ve just done small minor adjustments … babysteps, if you will. There is an interesting table I lay on that gets pumped up with a hair salon pedal. This is essentially spring reactive or something, because when my back is pushed on, the table absorbs some of the impact by springing down beneath me.

This seems like a great idea until your rubbery jiggly gut prevents it from sticking in the *up* position. He must’ve pressed the table up 3 times just to have it rebound with a resounding *SLAM* right back to it’s original position thanks to my gelatinous jellified midsection. (my friend has assured me this happens to everyone, but I have a feeling she was trying to soothe me)

Anyway, after being clicked and cracked on Friday, he got down to the nitty gritty.

“Ok, now roll onto your side.”  … on this narrow-ass massage table.
*ignore the wobbling fear of collapsing the table*

“Now bend your top leg” as his 5’7 little body holds it in place and grabs my shoulder.
“It’s going to feel like you’re about to fall off the table, but don’t worry. I wont let you.”

you and what crane?

Seriously, all I could picture is a squirrel climbing up a very large sequoia, convincing itself it wont let it fall over. Fat chance…. literally.

So I tried not to laugh when he said “Try to relax” and proceeded to push up my leg, and rotated my shoulder down and tried to realign my spine.

Being the gracious hippopotamus that I am, I grunted like I was heaving a Volkswagen out of my hoo ha.

It was uncomfortable for everyone. Let’s be honest.

I reacted the same way when I was on my stomach, he told me to deeply inhale, relax, drop my shoulders, and on the exhale attempted to shove my upper back into the floor with the help of the springy table.

Water buffaloes are more gracious than me at a chiropractor appointment.

So over the weekend, i’ve been slowly trying to pack for the kids and myself, all while trying to ignore the bruising feeling across my lower back. I sent my husband with a suitcase last week to alleviate some of my load. The problem is that now I can’t fully remember everything I packed already. Looks like we will be ready for an added month of travel since I will (for once) over pack us all.

I’ve also tried to avoid the grocery store at all costs, but that has backfired days before departure.

The children are about to get tossed out the front window. One was on Spring Break last week and as it turns out, despite being a stay at home mom, I am not cut out for being around my own children for 24/7.

Who knew?!

I’m certain it goes both ways. I get on her nerves just as much as she gets on mine….except she doesn’t have to prepare food for me or bathe me or read me bedtime stories.

So here’s to a brief respite from crazy before we embark on an entire vacation of CRAZY.

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