Just So You Know

Published April 30, 2015 by sarcasmica

Recently I went to a friend’s house to have a MNI. (Moms night IN) She recently had an adorable little baby and is being held hostage by can’t be expected to forgo sleep for booze yet in the form of a Moms Night Out.

We had a great time, lots of laughing and baby holding, but what made me chuckle after was driving home and realizing my husband would be in charge of our kids solo for the first time in a loooong time. Years. My mom, who lives with us, is out of town for a couple of weeks, and we are all realizing what exactly that means.

For me, it means i’m doing laundry and dishes 100%. For my husband it means stories and teeth brushing the ONE night I leave him alone

What I found even more funny was the incredulousness he had at some (what I thought were) common facts. For instance, did you know that children begin begging and/or demanding for toys when they spot them in a store?!!

And depending on the kid’s level(s) of tired/hunger, the volume can get extremely high.

What. The. Fuck?! Who knew?! My husband felt the need to inform our mini brood that they do not, in fact, get toys just for walking into a store!

…. and i’m sure they acted shocked to hear this statement…. at least as shocked as I acted upon hearing this ‘revelation’.

Kids want toys. Fact. Thankfully my husband was there live at the scene to report on this.

Another tidbit I heard about was some phantom rebellion at bed time.

Stopitrightthere, mister.

Yea! Turns out our son, The Brace-ed One, doesn’t voluntarily brush his teeth.

Truth, y’all. Who has ever documented an 8 year old who lies/cheats/cries/flops/bellows when it’s time to brush their teeth?!?!

Lies, lies I tell you!

Last, but certainly not least, it seems as though children want stories to be read at bedtime. As if providing a sperm and an egg. A uterus and a Broadway-lit entrance into this world, isn’t enough for the buggers, they expect literacy and theatrics before nodding off (peacefully and willfully no doubt) into dream land!

I tell you, the whole reenactment was like hieroglyphics to this stay at home mom. I’m just glad there was someone in front of me able to decipher the booger and spit-inked pictures on our walls to enlighten me on the behaviors of our children when only one parent is looking. If only I could have warned him what was lying in wait when he agreed to take them off my hands for two hours.

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