Layers

Published June 1, 2015 by sarcasmica

Today I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with all the adult things. I assume everyone has this issue from time to time. I mean, are there actual humans who laser-focus their way through life on top of *it* 24/7?! If so, can we have them checked for cyborg brains? Cylons anyone?

I woke up today totally understanding the date. Today would have been my friend’s 41st birthday, but she passed away unexpectedly 2 years ago. We were still in touch, but not as close as we were in jr. high/high school/post high school. I didnt expdct it to be hard. I just anticipated some feelings and moved forward. 

Drop the kids off, even remembered the little one’s snack day responsibility! Head to chiropractor 8 miles away… hear that damn “See You Again” song and start tearing up. 

Try driving in the rain through tears wearing glasses. Not an easy feat!

I pull it together after a good cry, stop for gas, re-check appointment and realize i have the wrong time. Im 2hrs early. 

Husband calls while finishing up at gas station, we make a joke about my poor calendar skills, and i cry again when I say it out loud, “Today is Crystal’s birthday.”

Make husband uncomfortable, hang up, start to drive away from gas station and see man in mirror waving me down. I forgot to replace the cap & shut the flap.

 Go shop for son’s bday supplies…spend way too much as a result of too many feelings. What is the corelation between sadness/stress/excitement and shopping?! 

Nevermind, i dont want to know..it makes me feel better, so i’ll stick with it. The other stress/feeling buddy for me is food. Liquid or other. I ate my way through those 2 early hours thanks to Panera orange scone and chai latte.

Go home and have lunch with my adorable and quite lovable charming daughter. Exhausted from crying and thinking and chiropractor..take a nap. A proper bed and covers nap. 

Daughter wakes me up with her hugs and kisses and feel better.

Pick up kid 1, tell myself “Do NOT get into it about the emotional birthday with the neighbor. Do NOT open that door when she asks how it’s going.”

Hold off the mouth diarrhea for approximately 2 minutes, and then open the birthday door. Make everyone uncomfortable, and awkwardly change the subject to nothing at all relevant.

Take kid to therapy. Decide to go to parent support group and look more into meds for kid 1. I got into a whole discussion with him about what a support group is (since he asked) and we talk the whole drive about his Dyspraxia. 

“Is it bad to have it, mom?”

All the feels start creeping back.

“Absolutely not. It just means we have to be on top of things because you have different needs.”

Arrive at therapy and find out support group person (who is an adult with Dyspraxia and now a therapist) no longer works out of this office, but still runs the group.

Exasperation. 

All the bills that I was supposed to map out and pay were ignored. Laundry was mildly approached. Nary a dish was washed. 

It was just a shitty day where all the productivity was mental….making me go slightly mental.

Hoping June 2 is much more physically productive and mostly feel-free.

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