The Whole Period Thing

Published June 23, 2015 by sarcasmica

The title says it all, if you have decided to read on, venture at your own peril. … and if you are that brave, please leave a comment! ๐Ÿ™‚

Once a month, my bathroom door is locked. Once a month.

okay, that might be a lie.

At least once a month, it is guaranteed that my bathroom door will be locked. I have yet to fully allow my kids to intrude on every part of my life. That’s fair, right? It’s not necessarily because of the whole birds and bees talk, but more like I don’t have the energy or vocabulary to tactfully explain in two sentences why mommy’s pulling a mouse tail out of her vajay jay.

I can’t be bothered.

Why? Because cramps, that’s why.
And insomnia
and sleep deprivation
and summer
and just because I don’t want to.

It’s bad enough I have to use proper lingo for all the parts – a practice which I am not 100% on board with, btw.

One particularly evil month, I finally had to warn my son that if there is anything unseemly to be found in the bathroom, it’s because mommy is bleeding.

“Huh? Bleeding how? What do you mean?”

“Bleeding from my vagina.”

And right there, I saw his brain crack a little. To his credit, his brain did not fully break. He just looked justifiably a little terrified of me. .. and then I realized my error. I should have told him of this *power* long ago. Perhaps if he had seen what the tampon is for, he would have started obeying me years ago.

I feel like I crossed a line there… so sorry.

Anyway, so sometimes I feel like I must be the only mother who keeps this whole thing to herself. At what point to you enlighten your daughter? At what point is it open conversation/door policy?

Ewe.

That’s terrifying. I do few things solo these days, and frankly, my husband is not even privy to the privvy when i’m in it, so where do we draw the line?

It’s not like they don’t know I put on an evil witch mask and turn into a irritable, crabby, short-fused witch once a month…

Not yet. My tolerance has not been reinforced to have the whole uterus lining/tampon/vagina conversation. If that loses my mother of the year award, good. It’s probably too much pressure to maintain that anyway.

Bleed on!

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2 comments on “The Whole Period Thing

  • I thought this post would be about ‘the full stop’ (as in the period, as in grammar…) Ha! Not really. I haven’t had that particular conversation with my 11 year old yet. We have recently covered some of those ‘topics’ (hoo man sex u al ity) which frankly, has left us all traumatised enough. Take your time. ๐Ÿ˜

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