Boom Chi – KABOOM!

Published August 20, 2015 by sarcasmica

This chica went a’ Boom.

You know you are old when you fall down and can’t immediately bounce back up and laugh it off. In my case, there was no bounce, just “Thud”. .. possibly a crunch.

Here’s the deal; My husband and I spent a stupid amount of time Sunday clearing out one of the garage spaces so I can park my new Jeep and have the option to just leave the top off. (“topless” heheeheh)

We decided the least labor-intensive spot was right next to the wall where the stairs to the house are. Seems reasonable. We managed to get the behemoth with just a slight overlap of the stairs. As driveway parkers our entire relationship, we felt quite superior, let me tell you.

Yesterday morning due to a series of circumstances i’ll refrain from boring you with, I had to leave early to drop the new car off for the after purchase nonsense like window sealants, paint treatments, etc. I needed to do this early because it’s in the opposite direction than the parrot sanctuary where I need to be by 9am.

So i’m up early. I’m prepared. I have the supplies I wanted to take with me. I hold off on food or coffee because I need to beat the traffic.

I grab the paper grocery bag overflowing with empty boxes (for the birds), I have my keys in the other hand. I enter the garage and descend the stairs. …. except for the last step which I hadn’t planned on. The f-ker came out of nowhere, caught the toe of my sneaker, my second foot copied the first, both toes stuck like ballet shoes on the last step bending forward and launching me immediately down to my knees onto the concrete.

At some point between the toe-stick, the flying paper bag of boxes, and the purse launching off my shoulder, I scream. I scream an unnatural shriek i’m sure cleared the trees outside the garage of all creatures.

I knelt there on my hands and knees sobbing, feeling breathless and completely dazed. Then I turn to my left and see the bumper of my Jeep less than 6 inches from my face.

holy shit.

Still on all fours, I took inventory of my pains. Nothing seemed broken. However, the muscle that was completely screaming in both legs was (what I think is) this one:

from sportsinjuryclinic.net

When I was in marching band and we rehearsed our field show or for a parade, this was the “marching muscle” that always ached. When it’s sore, you feel like you’re walking with swimming flippers on…. or like a very uncoordinated duck.

I used the bumper to get up to my feet. My knees were screaming and my foot/ankle muscle was burning. .. but I was fine. Just completely shaken up. I got into the car, and got on my way. No one knew what happened but me, and the concrete floor I was sure I had left two knee-shaped craters in.

Today i’m sore. My foot feels twice the size it looks. .. no bruising, no unusual swelling. I’m kind of disappointed I have nothing to show for such a dramatic start to yesterday. Nothing except an ace bandage on my duck foot.

Apparently a squishy body does indeed have insulation and padding to protect against early morning accident stupidity.

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