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All posts for the month October, 2015

Working It..or just working

Published October 29, 2015 by sarcasmica

I have recently begun the adventure of online selling. It’s super small at the moment, I want to see what kind of interest my shop generates before I work my fingers to the bone.

Since I’m already volunteering at the bird sanctuary, I have figured out how to use some of the gorgeous feathers that sometimes lie on the poop-covered, seed-littered floors. I clean them first, then spend hours wrapping a wreath with either yarn (my fave) or burlap wired ribbon. Then I cut and hot glue felt flowers and feathers to the wreaths. It’s all incredibly time-consuming, but creatively it’s pretty sweet. No two are alike (so far) but i’ve only made a total of 7. I’m selling 3 at the moment. One on FB and two listings on Etsy. It’s my experiment. We’ll see which – if any – sells first. Fingers crossed!!

As a stay at home mom, I would love to be able to make some money utilizing an activity i’m already committed to. As a bonus, I’m using some of the proceeds to give back to the sanctuary. I love those birds – most of them – and it takes so much to keep that place going. My mere 2 days in the grand scheme of things is barely a dent in the mad machine that is required to run a facility like this. 300 huge parrots get fed/watered 2x/day and the cleaning seems constant, and yet never looks like it’s done because of the nature of the beast. They are just messy.

When I change the water, I put the empty bowl on the feeding station and then leave to grab 2 gallon jugs to then go fill the bowls. Most of the time by the time I get back to the bowl, there’s already an empty peanut pod in it all cracked and dusty. Or, I think a favorite game of these stinkers, right after filling the water bowls before I’ve even left the room there will be a cracker or seed or an entire bird in the water.

Clean water? Not for long!

Clean water? Not for long!

It’s ridiculous!

But God made them cute so you can’t get mad at ’em ๐Ÿ™‚

So cross your fingers my little side project picks up steam. So far i’ve had zero interest today. Patience is not my strongest virtue, but i’m hoping something clicks with a peruser soon!

Feel free to check it out, but don’t laugh at the teeny tiny inventory

https://www.etsy.com/shop/FeatheredFavors?ref=hdr_shop_menu

https://www.facebook.com/featheredfavors/?fref=nf

Enough

Published October 28, 2015 by sarcasmica

Do you ever feel like you’re never doing enough? As a stay at home mom whose mother lives with her, I feel like this quite often. 

See, I get help. I should have plenty of head space and planning and ability to do it all, but very consistently I do not.

Turns out i’m human. I’m a human who has never particularly gotten my rocks off by out performing myself or pushing my own limits or reaching for that just barely visible goal. It’s more often, “What absolutely must get done today? Feed children; check. Coffee; check. School; check. Toilet time; checkity check. Sleep…eh. Debateable.”

As I lay here post-multi-heavy-convo with the bread-winning husband I am feeling particularly less than cabable at the moment. And I really actually need to go to sleep. It’s 12:30am and I am neither drunk or out, so i’m also irked. Showing up to a beak-filled volunteer gig where there are hundreds of hangry birds is akin to Russian roulette. I need to keep all my fingers if I ever go back to one of those wacky paying gigs I hear some people dabble in, so somehow the brain needs to get turned off and the shutters need to close

But all the unfinished *things* are rattling around in my noggin. Heavy topics do not make good lullabies. 

๐Ÿ˜•

Grump-tastic

Published October 15, 2015 by sarcasmica

“Go see Grumpy Cat!” The voices in my head shouted at me.

“But what about the kids..? I suppose I could take them.”

“Yessssss, take the childrenzzz. They will appreciate it and recognize your wonderousnesssss as the mommzies.”

I think you know where this is going. 

No? Don’t have kids, then, do ya? 

On what planet do the children immediately recognize the Cool factor of mom? Pluto, perhaps-oh wait, cant be. 

It all started well enough..as do most horror stories. I knew we’d have to arrive early based on my stalking/following GC on twitter. Despite knowing about the long wait and what happens to children after a long wait – a monster metamorphosis – my mom decided to go with us also. 

The kids were fine, we played and checked out the children’s section, got a snack, and headed to the already-forming line. 

Only an hour to go! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

We had shiny new Grumpy Cat books which did keep them entertained for a good 30 minutes. After a bit, a local news crew started seeking out people in line to interview.

As any mother with perfectly created children do, I naturally expected her to come over and speak with my cherubs. Not just because they were the only children under 13 there, but because they are adorable and charming. I saw her interview the actual stalker, who had just the previous night been retweeted by GC as having shown up for the Oregon book appearance, and was now numero uno in line in Seattle. Next she spoke to the tattooed purple-haired middle aged woman ahead of us, and then finally the meth head with the admittedly bootleg “Chinese ripoff” t-shirt right beside us. 

As the host and camera guy stumbled over outstretched feet towards us, I expectedly waited to be asked to interview “some kids” as the camera guy had pointed out. The reporter whizzed right past us, however mumbling something about “that cute kid” a few aisles behind us. 

I glanced at my mom and we both agreed my kids obviously didnt fit the misfit clan they were set out to showcase. Fine by me! 

After one dead DS, and 2 low battery iPhones, it was finally time! Someone saw something happen, so everyone stands up and squeezes together. False alarm! 10 minutes to go and the media gets their turn with The Grumpy Cat. Gramma got irritated, and the kids decided an hour was faaaar too much time to get along so they began pushing/poking/anything annoying a bored kid in line does. 15 (of the longest painful) minutes after the initial start time, the first person is let through. Huzzah!

They rapidly coach us the rules:

1. No petting/touching/poking/breathing on the star

2. Hand bags/purses/whatnots to stranger #1 who passes it down a line to greet you after your photo.

3. Hand phone/camera to stranger #2 who will take your pic

4. Hurry and go!go!go! CollectyourshitandMOVE! 

Thankfully I noticed my son actually turn his head and look at Grumpy Cat for half a second. I dont think my daughter got to see her “in the fur” so to speak. I moved in next for the group shot, turned to the sleeping talent and said, “Bye Tartar Sauce!” (Her real name) and she cracked both eyes open just long enough to freeze me with her grumpy lasers and then immediately shut them again. 

Our crap was shoved at us and we moved to the ‘swag table’ which was stickers and pins. “Thanks for giving my 5 year old a weapon.” Who uses pins anymore?!

Still, all things considered, it went well…until we get home.

Tired sets into my son, and the Goosebumps-themed imagination game both siblings played sets into my daughter’s brain. Boy begins yelling, mom gets pissed, girl begins shrieking, mom starts yelling, boy is railing, girl is crying, mom is yelling, boy is flailing, mom is rocking, girl is foaming

“BOOM!”

My head explodes.

So in time, I hope to look back and appreciate this day where I spontaneously decided to treat my kids to a school night adventure. I’ll be the only one appreciating it or even remembering it, naturally. Next time i’ll save the gas and just get a labotomy.

  

Pre-Life Life

Published October 13, 2015 by sarcasmica

As moms sometimes we forget there was a whole other life before children, or BC. Alternatively, maybe you havent forgotten, but it seems everyone else has.

I think the latter is more often true.. and how sad! I am a stay at home mom and it is so easy not to talk about the disjointed time of BC. Why dwell? Especially if you havent plan if/when you will go back. My husband always speaks of it as if it’s some readily accessible portal sitting in the garage. “You know, when you go back to being an interpreter.”

As if I pop through and on the other end is a classroom with an eager child awaiting his professional who is equipped with 100% of her language skills. Not a single sign forgotten. 

Not. Reality.

Well today my son shocked me. That kid will be a professional pitcher when he grows up with all the curve balls he throws. He said something about a classroom, and I said “Thats how it was in my classroom.”

“Huh? I didnt know you worked in a classroom.”

Why? Because I was born an adult with 2 children and zero life experience? That, my love, is a robot, not a mom.

“Yes. I worked in lots of classrooms. I had all kinds of hearing impaired students and got to work in different grades even!”

His mind exploded right there in the backseat. 

Have I failed in explaining to him that I did exist before him? Even before his dad?!

Nope. I know I said it, but as we all know just because you say it does not mean they are listening. 

“What else did you do?”

“Well, I was a receptionist for a dog hotel where the owner liked to charge people for putting their dogs in runs, but she really had them in crates. I did not like that she lied to the clients, so I confronted her and she fired me.”

Wide eyes watched me in the mirror.

“I was also a bird specialist for Petco. I was in charge of all the birds-which was actually a lot back then. There were parrots then which was kind of sad knowing what we know now.”

Disbelief.

“I also once had a job as a note-taker for blind students in community college.”

It was like an alien was driving him to school. 

So instead of preparing the nursery with cute giraffes and ladybugs, I think we need to wallpaper the kid’s rooms with resumes, diplomas, and pictures of what we were BC. Let me tell you kid, if it werent for the lessons I learned from aaaall those jobs, i would have never made it past night #4 with you.

Boo-tine

Published October 12, 2015 by sarcasmica

Some people like routine. Some people find solace and comfort in having routines. 

I am not one of them. Routines are stiffling and suffocating to me. This goes against most parenting tips, by the way. I love spontaneity. I find things get interesting in between a plan and a feeling. 

This is not to say i’m flaky. I can make a plan, I just need some wiggle room withing the grand scheme. 

I fail at planning the week’s meals because how do I know on Sunday what i’m going to want for dinner on Thursday?! What if i’m stressed, or the milk smells weird, or one kid develops an allergy? Ok, the last one was stretching it perhaps, but still..if it’s scheduled, I probably don’t want to do it.

This also goes against eating healthy. I’ve prepared what I can ahead (chopped celery that I slather with crunchy peanut butter) but so far I’m feeling pretty mediocre about it all. 

Maybe that’s because mentally I had planned to be a size 10 by now. Come on! 3 months is enough to jump nearly losing one digit from my tag! 

Here’s to the planners, they organize (and run and manage and research and monetize) the world

Movie Review: The Martian

Published October 7, 2015 by sarcasmica

If you want to feel really really stupid, go see The Martian.

It was a really good movie, it was really well done. They did a good job moving between enough places where you didn’t feel isolated and forgotten on Mars with Matt Damon. However, had you been left on Mars with his character, you would have felt really really really lame. Incompetent doesn’t begin to describe it.

I’m the type of person who immediately went dark when a word problem was presented to me in school. Immediately. To say I am not math or science-minded is an understatement. This movie was one giant math problem. When a sentence begins with “When you factor in the velocity of the space craft with the atmosphere acceleration..” blah blah blah, my mind shuts off before the word “veloci –

*vegetative state*

So to say I had some anxiety during the film is fair. This character though, God bless ‘im, was the definition of adversity.

I marvel at the scientific mind … but only briefly. If my life depended on math and/or any form of science, I would be annihilated. I watch these characters – who are representing actual human beings – who can work out these crazy solutions in real life situations, like being an astronaut and piloting a space craft, or even a pilot directing an airplane, and I can’t wrap my brain around it.

People who are in charge of giant projects with two thousand moving parts are just baffling to me. I am thoroughly impressed when someone can take on responsibility of that magnitude.

Me? My most stressful day is figuring out how to unscrew a wing nut from a bolt beneath a washer that is holding a bowl full of seeds directly under the feet of an angry macaw that will, without a doubt, do anything it can to get my skin inside it’s beak. … and then take the bowl full of seed back and do it in reverse, repeat x 20.

That’s a stressful day in my mind.

Even my husband, who has his own fair share of responsibility at work, juggles large amounts of data in his brain all while communicating between multiple departments and sometimes at multiple locations, geographically.

Me? Give me a bag of goldfish, a pencil, and a piece of paper and I can keep the most distracted, frustrated, ‘hangry’ child from losing their shit for at least 2 hours. Hardly the same thing. Some would say equally important in terms of life skills, but somehow I don’t think it’s quite the same.

All in all, if you’ve always wondered what a fascinating and well-written mathematical word problem would look like in movie form, go see The Martian. (spoiler: it doesn’t make the math any easier or fun)

Pensive

Goodbye Carbs

Published October 6, 2015 by sarcasmica

I’m borderline diabetic. I’ve finally decided to start eating accordingly….. grudgingly.

Tonight’s new introduction is acorn squash. I went shopping the other night looking for replacements for our staple (i.e. every single day side) of potatoes/pasta/bread. I keep hearing how amazing spaghetti squash is, so while picking up one of those I got ahead of myself and bought an acorn squash also. I also picked up a bag of egg noodles thinking it would be a more reasonable replacement for pasta noodles.

Wrong.

Can you tell I have a painfully small range of experience with cooking? I can make a potato 18 different ways, but when it comes to sides and actual meat, i’m clueless! Thank goodness for pinterest and my crock pot!

Back to the squash, these things did not come in a freezer bag or can, so naturally i’m puzzled. Pinterest to the rescue!! Here’s what i’m trying:

Acorn Squash

First thing I notice: Most of the squash recipes call for 1. Butter 2. Brown Sugar 3. Cinnamon

None of these things are very healthy. The other filling/topping that was popular seemed to be quinoa / keen-wa /not keen on the wa

So I forged ahead with the brown sugar and butter because let’s face it, that’s what I know.

First I beheaded it, then I divided it. I scooped out the guts to which the kids immediately asked to plant the seeds.

One side effect of never cooking healthy – plants – is it’s all exciting right now for them. So they immediately ran outside to fight over who got to dig and who got to put the seed in the dirt, and who got to hit who with the shovel. I didn’t mindย  because I was inside during the adventure.

So I baked it. It smelled wonderful. Next up, what to do with the chicken? I have this yummy lemon artichoke pesto that I thought, “What the hell? Slap some on in the pan.”

In the end we didn’t know how to eat the squash. I cut it up and we tried with the skin/without the skin. The consensus was “eh.. it’s ok.” (and def without the skin) I, for one, was not a fan. It was kind of a let down, but on the upside, the kids devoured the chicken and didn’t fight too much on the broccoli.

Next up? Spaghetti squash! Keep your noodles crossed it’s a hit, because frankly, i’m losing the low/no carb meal battle!

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