Funkin Holidays

I have been in a funk since around Dec 1. I know this is a common time of year for lots of prozac Rxs, but that’s not why. I blame my kids. I feel as though since exactly the first of December they have been possessed. My son proclaimed he had been woken around midnight and couldn’t get back to sleep until much  much later and therefor could not possibly manage school. – This is a sane and non-posessed retelling of the morning not including the spit fire and smoking eyeballs. They are, of course, anticipating Christmas like any other materialistic spoiled American child, but they are usually not this poorly behaved so consistently.

My mom got Lego advent calendars for both of them which was very well received. In the beginning, however, it added to the anticipation and excitement and greedy whining. It added to their lack of rest and plethora of anticipation. Usually they get along fairly well with each other. They have the typical sibling bickering, but they truly enjoy playing together. … Until Dec 1 hit, that is. Now it’s all “That’s mine!”  “she took my Lego!!”
“You mean that white lego that you both have a jillion of? Right. Well by all means, claw her eyeballs out until you get it back in your pile of the EXACT SAME BLOCK!”

My son especially has been mouthing off and talking back. More than usual. I don’t know if Santa is testing my will to not drink my way through the holidays, but i feel like I’m failing.  I’m normally not much of a drinker, despite my ranting and raving here, but I finished a bottle of Rum Chata last night. I have never finished an entire bottle of booze in under a month in my life! Thank you, Holiday Beasts.

I’ve tried resetting the scene a few times (It is only Dec 6, after all!) in the hopes they will snap out of it. We did gingerbread house decorating at my son’s school. Both the kids worked on one house which I thought would be a disaster, but they worked great together! It was after we left that the bickering began.

I took them to see The Good Dinosaur yesterday and in line for concessions my son was mouthing off. He wanted candy, I told him he knew very well I snuck a candy cane in for him but it wasn’t enough.

“Oooh, so the fact that I brought you to the movies, getting you popcorn and soda and a candy cane just isn’t enough to make you happy?!”

We’ve sat and played together, not good enough.
Video game time is never enough
Early bedtime hasn’t solved it
Call Santa app has helped marginally

Maybe it’s the fact the husband is traveling and I feel it’s all on me regarding the kids… which it should be. Unless you can help by not yelling and using sarcasm, which I have a great handle on already. Maybe I’m the problem. Maybe I’m in the funk and it’s rubbing off on the kids. I have no idea. I just know I’m ready to set up the UFC cage and let them work it out.

I’ll tell you what doesn’t help, when the neighbor comes over from across the street with his dog, stands in your door way while your dogs are barking madly and says, “Hello! We are having our Christmas party tonight, and we somehow forgot to invite you. ..  it starts in like 2 hours if you want to just come on over.”  I stutter, “We’ll have to see what everyone’s plans are … i’m not sure what we’re doing later.” (as I am standing in my pajamas at 5pm)
His response, “Ok, well you can show up anytime after 7…. so are you coming?”

Go ahead and put me on the spot in front of my kids and barking dogs. “Sure, maybe?”

He leaves, the kids go nuts, “Yay! A party? Woo Hoo!”

“Yea… we aren’t going.”


“But they are my frieeeeeeeeeeeeeeends!!!” (their kids are older than mine and have played maybe twice in the three years we’ve lived here) Also, my friendly neighbor and I are constantly swapping stories on how the wife never ever ever acknowledges us outside of our street, ever. No waves, no “hi!” nothing. We have kids in the same school and last year our sons were in the same after school club. She would pass me right by without even a glance.

So no. No, I do not believe I will be showering and dressing to walk myself and my rabid children across the street to fakely interact with you and your friends whom I do not even know just to say you have a few more people crammed into your house for your party.

My kids eventually got over it, but it did not add to any holiday cheer ’round these parts.


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