Aimless

Published March 21, 2016 by sarcasmica

I wish I liked being a SAHM more. I’d say after two kids and seven years, if I’m not doing “it” by now, “it” isn’t going to happen. In my head I imagined slaving over meals, finding fun and interesting ways to clean things, recipes would be a cinch, kids would eat all the things, husband would wash all the dishes, laundry would get done daily.

https://sp.yimg.com/xj/th?id=OIP.M00a9bdf523403e09028b4235b7647be1o0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300

Then I actually BECAME a Stay at Home Mom and none of these things happened…. well, at least not all in the same week or month. And the laundry thing? That still eludes me.

The things I DO enjoy about being a SAHM: taking them places where they are entertained, where they learn something, where we all have an experience together. (think zoo, museum, etc) I love dropping them off at school and picking them up. I really enjoyed the Mom Clubs I was in once I got through the initial excruciating ‘getting to know you’ phase. Now that my son no longer turns into a Screaming Homework Banshee who spits lava, that can also be enjoyable. (thank you meds!) I love that after a night of nightmares, late dosed medication induced insomnia, binge drinking, I can catch a few cat naps. If I get a headache, which happens frequently with me, I don’t have to drive on a freeway and deal with other people’s crap on the other side of traffic. I love lunch dates with mom friends, play dates with coffee. There’s lots to love, but I happen to not love all the things I felt I was supposed to be good at.

On the other hand, I chose to be a SAHM, not a maid. Not the housekeeper. While it seems logical these things go hand in hand, if we think more than 5 minutes about it, it makes less sense.

If I hire a housekeeper and pay her, she’s just cleaning my house. She’s dusting, vacuuming, cleaning my fridge. She’s not taking my kids on a walk or doing play doh with them.

Alternately, if I hire a nanny, she’s not washing my dirty chonies or cleaning my bathrooms.

However, a Stay at Home MOM is expected to do all of these things in addition to keeping up on bills, groceries, appointments, and in her spare time jogging 5 miles a day and doing Cross Fit and yoga while baking fondant-covered cakes.

Apparently I live in Nopeville because that is not my reality. Never was, never will be.

So as I ponder this day after my “working interview” at the local dog kennel, I can’t help but wonder what I’m hoping to hear. Do I want them to offer me something? Would I rather hear, “It doesn’t seem like it’s going to be a fit at this time.” Talking to my husband about summer plans, I can’t help but kind of hope it’s not going to work out… but that’s sort of ridiculous. Do I really want to not work just so I can have an open schedule to be able to go camping whenever I want, or meet him in one of the cities he travels to for work, or go on a random road trip?

…. yea, kinda.

Maybe that makes me shallow, maybe it makes me lucky, maybe it makes me aimless. I am blessed to be able to choose this life. We strategically decided on this place so this could be our lives. It is not happenstance we ended up in Washington state instead of California where we’d both have to work and possibly need the kids to work as well. While we lived in CA we were broke all the time. Broke is not fun. Broke does not make for happy family life. “do we take the baby to the doc for that, or do we buy groceries this week?”

No thanks.

So here I sit, waiting to hear what my options are…. I suppose I could do some laundry

https://sp.yimg.com/xj/th?id=OIP.M00a9bdf523403e09028b4235b7647be1o0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300

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