Hormonal Momma

Published March 31, 2016 by sarcasmica

Getting older bites, but as the saying goes, “It’s better than the alternative.”

nyuck nyuck nyuck.

Recently i’ve been a guinea pig for hormones. I had developed a pattern of crying at my husband, yelling at the kids, and feeling like a pile of poo all around the same time every month, and never over something epic. Never over money, or kids talking back, or lack of one-on-one time with kids. Nope, it was always over unappreciated dinner. New recipes. Having to repeat myself twelve times over one instruction … ok, that hasn’t changed, but still. I talked with my OB/GYN and we decided to try some hormones.

I didn’t think they were doing much until I went off of them. Holy Rabies, Batman.

It had been so long since I had taken a little round calendar of pills that I forgot when to start… after your period. I was so desperate to feel sane again, I began them immediately after filling the prescription.

Cut to three months later, i’m now trying to hold off and begin the pack at the right time, but three days in, one arm nearly chewed off, and 235 clumps of grey hair pulled out later and i’m beginning to question my plan.

Here is a list of things one should NOT do without proper hormones in their body:

  1. Have a conversation with your 9 year old about why he must shower at night
  2. Have a conversation with the orthodontist about why he needs to put braces on your jacked up mouth, with your husband present for ‘moral support’. (i.e. someone to ask all the insurance/money/payment questions)
  3. Have any conversation with any human about something you might not agree on
  4. Cook a meal start to finish
  5. Go outside
  6. Put 2 kids to bed happy
  7. Go to bed happy
  8. Interact with your horny husband in any capacity
  9. Manage a child proof lid
  10. Look at your sleeping children

In the span of three days, all of the above was done without hormones, after having been on them for three months. I do not recommend it. It can be summed up by a conversation I had last night with my husband after going out for a date night;

Me: “I know i’m in a funk. I know i’m struggling, but the orthodontist thing has me freaked out, and the incessant arguing and proximity to my son has been a constant relentless struggle. Going off the hormones temporarily may not have been the best decision right now.”

Him: “Oooooooohhh. You stopped the hoooooormones. Got it.”

 

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