In life, we sometimes have to learn the same lesson over and over again. As a parent, I have had to learn lessons repeatedly. For instance; sympathy goes a long way with your kids; hugs are required, not requested. And the whopper: These little humans that I made actually resemble me on a genetic level.
My son is the image of his father. From the time he was a newborn people were confused by my relation to him. He was a fair skinned, silver-haired, lean, blue-eyed baby. I’m a dark haired, brown-eyed, tan robust woman. One person actually suggested I dye my hair so that I would resemble my child.
Given that, it isn’t always at the forefront of my brain that my son might take after me in some areas. After all, I failed to score a left handed kid with either child so what else could possibly get passed down?
This week I was taught yet another lesson by my child- moods matter. For my son moods matter a lot. I have been playing around with my hormone schedule this week. Coincidentally, my son has been an exhausting nightmare challenge all week. I have felt like our only interactions have involved yelling, giving directions, arguing, demands, and making meals. To add insult to injury I’ve had emails from his teachers about how great he did at school all week. Best week ever, in fact.
Last night I decided to scrap the whole hormone schedule and I went back to taking them.
Today began with markedly less anger and arguing… then it hit me- moods. I have always been sensitive to moods around me – friends, parents, siblings – I am an emotional comrade good or bad. As an adult I’m more cold-hearted so the only mood I match is my husband’s, but it dawned on me that my son has this same quality and always has.
Children pick up on moods, yes. My daughter knows when best to tiptoe near me and when she can be a little more carefree. She is a greatly sympathetic child and always just wants to help. My son, however, will simply mirror my moods and emotions. This is frustrating in the honesty of it all. It often makes me question if the venom that sometimes comes out of his mouth is a carbon copy of my own language. It is not, in fact, but it’s his language used to process the emotions he’s mirroring in his mom, dad, and grandma.
I don’t know if that makes sense or not. Here’s an example of how I experience it for myself: Currently I am sitting at my computer. My husband is at his in the same room. He is doing bills. This makes the air tense already. No biggie. If he has an issue with his keyboard, however, he tends to punch his keys, slam his keyboard, and curse. I immediately feel that rage and my body is shaky and tense and I subconsciously hold my breath. My body is tense, and so when a kid wanders in with “Mom? Mom. Mom! Momomomomom” during this tornado I will respond with the opposite of love and patience.
I don’t just get annoyed with my husband for not controlling his temper. I don’t just feel annoyance on his behalf, I am as affected by his mood as he is, but my feelings are directed at him instead of his keyboard.
I have a feeling that muddled it up even more. Anyway, this revelation came to me that my son has this same ability/curse. So now i’m not only responsible for what I teach him, model for him, guide him, but i’m also responsible for taking on his emotional mirroring when i’m already in a shitty mood.
Lesson learned? If you are medicating your child for mood and stimuli control, be goddamn sure you yourself are taking your own medication if he happens to even minutely express an Empath’s intuition.