Vanity Shmanity

Published May 5, 2016 by sarcasmica

I have never thought of myself as a vain person. I’m not completely careless with how I look, either, but it doesn’t determine my schedule or routine. I have gone out in public numerous times without makeup. I am a big fan of hair clips and pony tail holders because besides a quick blowdry flip and some hair goo, I dont do much with my mop. (honestly i just dont know what to do with it) 

Painting quite the picture of beauty and grace, right??! 

Having kids and then becomming a stay at home mom only reinforced my nonchalance. When meeting other mom friends, one or most hadnt slept a majority of the night, so they couldnt even see me through their bleary bloodshot eyes to care. We all knew the days ended with at least one body fluid on clothes and/or skin, so what’s the point?

Well now I’m past the baby mom stage and the even rougher toddler mom stage. (Toddlers will simply leave the bed to seek you out. You can hide in a cupboard or garage, but by God, they will find you. There is no sleep training for 2 and 3 year olds) I will don makeup more often than not now. I color my hair fairly regularly – once every 6 months is a huge step up!- and my clothes usually match. (I’ve graduated to jeans more often than yoga pants) 

Recently I’ve had some news regarding plans for my smile. I have lots of baby teeth still and they have come to the end of their duty. This is a huge plan that has required a number of meetings and before it’s complete will span no less than 6 years.

Completely overwhelming for me. Last night after consult #2, it dawns on me part of the reason this all has me so reactive. Vanity. Part of the issue is that my baby teeth are all beside my front teeth. Right up front for laughing, smiling, talking, etc. These will all be pulled at different stages of orthodontia. What will be left? Nothing. Nothing can be added during the 2 yrs in braces. Nothing will be filled in until the braces come off. 

So imagine the vision I’ve already created: 5’10, 80lbs overweight, minimal makeup & hair skill… got it? Sort of like a light-hearted rhinoceros. Now add braces and subtract 3 teeth from the front. (Later the total # of gaps will be 8)

Stunning, right?! Now it’s more like a Tim Burton style rhinoceros who will most definitely not be smiling.

Yea, this has my tutu in a bit of a twist and I just can’t seem to get past it. and it’s teeth. Something most people don’t think about. Who cares about teeth?! No one, until you lose them. There are so many bigger struggles in the world, but what impact do your teeth have on your daily life? 

Now we factor in cost. There are SOOoOo many other things I’d rather put that money towards. A private Magic Mike Show,  a trip to Hawaii, liposuction, sponsoring an entire African village, 3 bulldog puppies, a pony…and I am relying 100% on my husband’s great job & benefits to help fund this. His paycheck is responsible for the rest. I am having a hard time digesting that.

Vanity comes in many forms, but the worst is the kind that sneaks up on you and kicks you in the teeth.

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