Summer Wine

Published July 24, 2016 by sarcasmica

Tricked ya! It’s summer whine.

My body is betraying me. How’s that for a melodramatic opener, eh? 

After narrowly escaping death twice in Vegas – what? You didnt hear? I had an Uber driver pull into an intersection in front of an oncoming sirens-blazing firetruck. Not the side excursion I was hoping for. Then there was the taxi driver who literally fell asleep driving my husband and I home from the airport. Yup. Totally happened. 

I get home and second night, my 5 yr old ralphs all over her bed. Not just a little stomach acid vomit, NOOOoooooOO beefaroni vomit. That is a special kind of nostril burning smell. It’s so bad your eyes are probably watering just reading this. Orange as far as the nose can see.

Poor kid. It was a rare moment my husband was actually home to experience the 3 ring barf circus. 

The next morning I reach in the shower to turn it on like I have done nearly every single day and something just tweaks in my back inside my shoulder blade. Pinched nerve, pulled muscle, no idea. All I know is moving a hair the wrong direction and all the wind is knocked out of me from the pain. 

I had 2 muscle relaxers in a 12hr period. This morning I woke up feeling like I wanted to conquer the world! After leaving the house with Barfenstein and getting our nails done, my lower back was caput. Done. Searing pain. My father would point out how great that i no longer felt pain in my upper back! 

To make it all extra special, i’ve discovered a fun new side effect to my braces – that’s right, 39 years old & i have braces – searing tooth pain if anything cold is in the vicinity of a front tooth. I’ve never had a cavity, but the root depth slow burn that spreads up through the tooth and into my face seems equally painful. 

I turn 40 in a month and i am feeling like an 80 yr old about to go in for hip surgery. 

I have an appointment for my therapy massage and chiropractor first thing tomorrow. This means all the most painful parts are going to be elbowed and cracked. ..but hopefully it’ll all be worth it! 

Wasnt this a great fun light summer read? I have become the most lame mom and wife ever.

It’s no wonder my kids are bickering and whining and bugging. At least they come by it honestly. 

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