Published January 5, 2017 by sarcasmica

Never commit to an elderly orthodontist who is obviously well into his retirement years. 

You would think this would be common sense,  but apparently I like a challenge.

It wasnt worth it.

Our ortho is the same my son had. They think it’s helpful, fun & undoubtedly profitable to treat the adults of the kids that make up the primary part of their practice. 

Being as how my son’s orthodontia was pretty routine, the techs did 90% of the work and they were all spry and fun and professional. 

For me, however, i’m just a giant disaster riding in on a unicycle. Baby teeth, bite issues, it’s a frigging mess.

Unlike my son, I require much more coaching and guidance from the Old Doc to the techs.

This is quite unfortunate as I discovered today the heavy metal sharp tools that are weilded by orthodontic hellions are more precise and effective in non-arthritic hands.

The slice in my gum tells me so.

Also, it was quite interesting to have to remind the guy getting a large sum of money every month for this corrective torture that I still do in fact possess the devices he insisted I implant into my face for said correction. To be fair, 2 came out in an infected haze but I still have the other two- as told repeatedly to the office.

Today: “So when are we going to start using the TADs? I’d like it to be worth the pain of having them put in at least.”

Tech- “let me check with the doctor”

Senile Orthodontist: “Oh! I forgot about those! They are really hidden up there!”

And he then proceeds to connect painfully thin bands from the recesses of my molars up to the top of my gum.


SO to tech: “Hey, i got it.”

That meant I get not only the fun experience of his big clumsy hands on giant sharp metal tools in my mouth but in cutting a band he also cut my gum.

We also then discovered my wire was not even fully inserted and anchored on one side of my mouth!

FML quite literally.

Beware young chubs, this is how the universe corrects your terrible eating habits if you dont before you hit 40! 


9 comments on “Orthodementia

  • I had 7 years of orthodontia. I’m so sorry. It was bad enough with a doctor who was young and spry. He kind of has you over a barrel, though, doesn’t he? I’ve never heard of changing orthodontists mid-treatment. If you paid for it all up front you’re probably SOL.


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