Stress Test

Moving. It’s a stress test. I have failed…or rather my body has failed while my mind wont stop listing all the things that need to be done.

We began loading trucks on Wednesday last week. Well, we hired movers, but it seems as though we selected from the clearance rack. The three rag tag men that showed up to pack our very abundant and very over sized furniture seemed to just dabble in moving and excelled at complaining, one-liners, and abusing every single bathroom across each house. We are talking full on deliberate fan-on-first usage. 

Somewhere around Wednesday morning a rash began to bloom on my legs, but I didnt have time to dea with it.

We were arranging painters, designers and walk-throughs. Shit needs to get done and there quickly became a realization that ‘tomorrow’ was no longer an option. 

By Friday my husband and I were finishing up the pain-in-the-ass that is debris wrangling and clean up. That last day where you look around with your bloodshot crusted over eyeballs and think, “How are we still not done?!?!!!!” 

We were animals at this point grunting and gesturing at each other. My legs were itching even more. 

By Sunday we were finally fully into our now box-filled disaster of a house and just trying to survive. Minimal groceries, no coffee, can’t find anything so you use what’s in front of you living. 

And my legs were covered in welts. Itchy, swollen, scratchy, irritated welts from the tops of my thighs to the bottom of my knees. 

Pop some zyrtek and move on! ..but it wears off around 3 and benadryl doesnt work at all.

Monday afternoon we have our first mailbox check. Low and behold there is a letter from my heretofore email-only orthodontist. The very same one that handled my son’s braces & now a year into my own 20(ish) month plan. It states he has retired & shut down his practice. Here are some suggestions for new services.


More welts. More itching.

Try soothing natural skin-irritation bath salts soak. Lather on cortizone cream, benadryl cream, all the cream and find another ortho.

I decided to try and find a dermatologist in the event a space opened up on my dance card. Ha! The three I called had nothing sooner than 3 weeks out.

*Itch itch*

I’d write more but my daughter has caught a bug from school and is now throwing up.

*Itch scratch*

(I would post a pic of my beautiful new skin treatment but I like you all too much. Picture about 50 really pissed off bees with a suicide wish all connecting with the wall of my lithe and model-esque tree trunk legs, making sure to wrap around all the curves inside and around to the back. This way when I walk or wear pants, my skin is sure to rub and irritate itself on it’s own)

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