Garage Garbage

Published May 22, 2017 by sarcasmica

There is nothing like buying a house to test the limits of your marital bliss, except for maybe sugery for a spouse. ..also moving can definitely make you revisit some wedding vows. My husband and I can now say we survived this all simultaneously over the last four months. The sprinkles on the top of that divorce cake was the neighborhood garage sale this weekend. We just moved in like three weeks ago. My forward thinking proactive spouse had all the big furniture items we knew we wanted to get rid of strategically placed in the garage to be easily accessible. Genius! 

We found out soon after moving that there was going to be a huge neighborhood garage sale and we stupidly thought, “Hey! We have some shit we can sell!” But because rifling through the cardboard chaos to find singular items to hock from our driveway wasnt stressful enough, I had the genius idea to let the kids sell lemonade. 

That lasted all of about four sales before they abandoned their posts for the shade of the couch inside. My 6 year old daughter angrily hounding people to buy her lemonade didnt live up to the retail money tree she had built it into I guess.

I was truthfully doing just fine until we had to put all the crap that didnt sell back into the garage. 

That’s when it happened. Somewhere between the mildly sunny day sweat, the defeat of leftover inventory, and my husband’s OCD need for rows in the garage I lost it. I felt that imaginary matchstick snap in my brain and fantasized about just burning down the wholefucking garage. To hell with the boxes and multiplying bikes and holiday decorations that have been dragged across four states and seven garages-give or take-Burn it down!! 

Instead I quietly told my husband, “The next time we decide a garage sale after moving is a good idea, lets just pass. It would seem, dear, that I am now overwhelmed.”

After my head stopped spinning around we did manage to get it all squared away, we cleared some crap out of the garage, the kids made some money and we survived😎

And now because I am old and fat I need to recover from the whole thing! Goodnight

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