My kids are driving me frigging batty! 

I know it’s me and not them…sort of…except for the whining and the not listening and the talking back. That is definitely contributing to my asylum fantasies. But if I were walking, eating fruit instead of chips, crunching on veggies instead of peanut butter toast, they’d still be annoying as hell, but i might be less likely to be sucked into the void of insanity. 

My daughter has begun a particularly irritating habit of asking a question, me saying no, and she immediately says, “But Im going to do it anyway…”

And my eyes roll back, my head spins around and I hear Latin chanting.

She has also figured out how to try for Door #2 if she doesnt like whats already been offered. “You wasted story time because you didnt pick up your toys.” 2 minutes later I hear, “Grandmaaaaa? Will you read me a story tonight?” (Sweet face closer)

And my fists ball up, my neck veins bulge, I turn loud and green and burst out of my pajamas. ..The Mulk. 

I am not going to end this with how much I love and adore my kids. I’m not going to elaborate on my blessings. I just want my little humans to listen, follow through, and then use their noggin for making life easy. 

Ha! And monkeys might fly outta my butt

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