Going Bananas

Published July 19, 2017 by sarcasmica

Summer break. Great, right? Sleeping in, quality time, no schedules, no demands….

Bull$h1t.

Beyond week 1 or 2, it’s all bullpucky.

Most smart moms schedule camps and fun and paid activities. This cheap mom opted to keep her $400. (what it would cost one kid each one week of some sort of summer camp activity for 2-4hrs/day) Joke’s on me.

I’ve had to cut back one volunteer day at the parrot sanctuary because alas, leaving the kids home alone would be like a cage match and i’m not quite ready for the oasis of prison yet. I decided to drag them with me just one day per week so I didn’t have to up my vodka intake. I tried to make it interesting by allowing them the opportunity to make a little money by helping with the jobs at Zazu’s. I get nothing because i’m a volunteer, but somehow the rugrats can make some dough?!

However, it all fell apart by the end of the day today. In their defense, it is quite baffling why a mom would dare annoy the video game gods by ripping two of their servants from the screens and force them into society where manners and very light labor and socialization is expected. What a steaming pile of crap! How dare that mother expect three whole hours of interaction with the live world?! And three whole times they’ve had to go so far! They should received a gold controller for all of their sacrifice, by George!!

Today was going alright… no devices were had so helping out was almost a choice…. almost. My daughter is usually quite happy to help, actually, but my mistake came in having them do a task side by side. I know. Rookie mistake. I left the room dividers and blinders at home, so I expected each of them to sweep a whopping ten square foot strip of floor perpendicular to each other.

Monster.

Mayhem ensued in the form of shoving, back slapping, and retaliatory punching. I mean come on, mom! “He swept his pile into my pile!!” The nerve.

So this little scene cost them their chump change, and also games for the day back at home. I left announcing today’s birth control was provided by yours truly. “You’re welcome.”

Now as any parent worth their alcohol knows, taking away screen time of any kind is really a punishment for all.

I pulled out a recipe/activity I had wanted to try for a bit. We decided chocolate covered bananas would be a fun project. … because i’m obviously out of my mind. I actually had the ingredients – something abnormal for sure – so we got to work.

Do not do this. Never do this activity!! It’s completely useless! We had frozen bananas and we had room temp bananas. Neither one coated well with the melted chocolate/coconut oil mix. I checked multiple recipes to make sure this wasn’t some alien intervention.

We had toothpicks, so I did the banana slice idea rather than the entire fruit. I did try half a banana to see if that worked any better… it didn’t.

After 27 paper towels, one spoon, 25 toothpicks, one cookie sheet, one cutting board, one sharp knife and a lot of sweat and tears, we managed two bananas worth of dessert. I have no idea how they turned out because I’m actually allergic to bananas and I’m borderline diabetic so I am trying not to eat chocolate.

But what a fun, magical, educational, bonding experience!
(Don’t do it!!!)

Bananas 

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