Proof of Love

Published July 24, 2017 by sarcasmica

My husband and I purchased a camp site.

“A camp site, you say?”

Indeed. A campsite. It’s located in a private membership based park and it’s ours whenever we want it, and for however long we want to stay. There are facilities there for swimming, a mess hall, activity center, on and on and on. Last weekend was our maiden camping voyage. We had to settle our new travel trailer into it’s new home and hook everything up and basically set up camp permanently. Someone had the bright idea to take the kids.

Oh. My. God. The bickering and the complaining and the whining and the overall terrible behavior was completely over the top. We only stayed one night. We packed it all in and headed home with our monsters.

After a day of penance, I decided not to stay home today and be driven crazy by my bored children, so I took them to the local aquatic center. The facility is brand new and has not yet had a chance to accumulate the mildew and mold and chipped tiles and toe nails that most surely have. (I’m looking at you, Great Wolf Lodge!) My son had a field trip here for his last day of school and has wanted to return ever since.

Today was the day!

Truthfully, it began pretty fun. We started off in the “lazy river” – aka Lord of the Flies Pool. It was all elbows, noodles, and swift current. Next was the plain pool where you go to catch your breath and dodge the pee.

This place has one mega water slide. My daughter wanted to try it and of course my son did not. I went up the spiral staircase noticing that I was the only person above 13 in line. There was a posted height requirement, but no weight limit. This tube was decidedly small, and I was regretting the joke I made before going in about the headlines later that night: “Fat lady trapped in water slide tube had to be rescued by helicopter as horrified children looked on, angry they were robbed of their fun day.”

I asked the attendant if I was too big and she sweetly pretended ignorance and assured me I was not. However, sitting down at the opening, I was unable to remain sitting as I entered the tube. Laying back was the only option.

Exiting the slide provided a nice wave pool for the swimmers and a near enema for myself. I noticed how close my head came to the bottom of the 3ft 6inch pool at the bottom and vowed not to give a repeat performance…..

My daughter had a blast and immediately wanted to go again. Up we went, and down we came. It was a lot of fun, but three times was my limit. After that, she was brave enough to go herself.

The whole thing was quite fun until my son tore a toe nail in the lazy river. By the end of the hour and 45 minute time period you pay for, I was sick of dodging elbows and brats and my daughter’s constant stream of panic that her loose tooth had come out.

Time to exit stage left.

The whole walk to the car was bickering bitching and moaning.

In other news, sign ups were made for swim lessons and YMCA camp !! I cannot wait for those blissfully bicker-free moments!!!

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