There is no sanity here, it was all an elaborate ruse.

Having kids back to school is glorious, yes. Absolutely! I love it! My brain is a marshmallow, though.

I wish I could say sponge, but no. It’s taking on so much water and information and emails and fliers and sign up sheets and receipts and written checks and calendar entries it’s gonna capsize.

It is a marshmallow. My kids start a conversation with me after being gone AAALLLL day and it’s like I immediately glaze over.

Self-preservation, I think. During the day I’m doing the equivalent of naked cartwheels throughout the house. Doing what I want, cleaning what I want (bahahahahaaaa) eating whatever the eff I want. Folding and putting away all the things I dont want to, but not being distracted 87 times trying to fold the same forking sheet, so it actually is quite peaceful now. (This is how they hack your brain into becoming a domestic zombie, btw)

I am so relieved after summer to have them back and being supervised by an actual professional I think when they are back in my care there’s a PTSD shadow lurking behind me.

Yesterday was the beginning of the marshmallow end of my brain cells. My daughter woke me up at 4am to show me she had a very very minuscule tiny nosebleed and that she handled it….by coming to show me that she was ok. But if an incident happens at night and there is no mommy around to witness it, did it even really happen?

You all know what i did. She has 2 pillows. She only sleeps on one. There were 3 tiny dots on one pillow. How did we solve this mind-bender??? Say it with me, ladies;

“I flipped the pillow over and she slept on the undisturbed one.”


But when I went back to bed all the Monday notes started trickling through my brain. I couldnt go back to sleep!… until the alarm went off at 5:45 and hit snooze. What is it with that snooze button that immediately causes narcolepsy?! I was SO comfortable and SO able to fall deep asleep. When the snoozer went off I was draa aa aaaag giin g my ass out of bed to wake kid 1. ..who was magically already up and dressed?!!?!

Praise Jesus and all his holy water.

Fast forward kid #2 getting on the bus, everyone at school, my errands run, yada yada yada get kid #2 off the bus and I was convinced it was Tuesday.

Spoiler: It was still Monday.

Today (actually Tuesday) I operated for the Open House at my daughter’s school. Husband rearranged his work schedule, I showered and washed all the body parts, I wore the good (i.e. uncomfortable) jeans. I planned out proper shoes with socks. I had extra curriculars managed and food sorted.

…but the Open House is on Thursday. Which is on my calendar as Thursday. I knew today was Tuesday, people. My brain did not care. My brain decided to just scramble and see where things ended up at the end of the day. What the everlovin hell?!

I’ve never been a genius. I was with the slower pack of high schoolers just trying to get by in high school. I did summer school nearly every year. I’m saying I have never been considered a wiz, but this shit is getting out of hand. I am seriously starting to worry I may end up where I always joke is vacation: the Psych ward where you have a comfy padded room, a nice cozy jacket, and 3 square meals complete with a nurse and medication on the daily.

Careful what you wish for!

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