I had both conferences this week for the kidlettes. Here’s a rough transcript (artistic license has been taken in respect to typing time and my level of tiredness)

Kid 1 – Daughter:
Teacher: She’s a delight! She is so energetic and happy and smart and engaging and a joy to have in my class. By the way, she has tested really high in reading and also high in math.

Me: That’s fantastic! I see two things I can work on with her. Have a good night, thank you!

Kid 2 – The Boy
This was a conference in the round as all middle school teachers sat in a coven circle around the common room as we, the lay people, check in criss crossing varying degrees of anxious parents across the inner web of adolescent middle learning.

And let me just say, more than one teacher had a tissue box at the ready.

Teacher 1 (first meeting of the 7 conference series): “I’m worried about Him.”
Inner Me: fffffffffffff–k.
Teacher: Writing is a challenge, blah blah blah.
Me: Here are some suggestions how to help him get started
Teacher: Great! We can do that.

Teacher 2: He seems to really not enjoy writing.
Me: Talk to teacher 1. Same suggestion
Teach: Great! We can do that.

Teacher 3: *sigh* I have some concerns in regards to a writing assignment that wasn’t turned in.
Inner Me: fff–k.
Teacher: He has the ability, he just doesn’t seem to accept help
Me: Here are some suggestions how to help him get started
Teach: Great! We can do that.

Teacher 3: I love that kid. He’s awesome…. we do need to work on some things
Me: Great, he can do that!

Teacher 4: He is a great musician and a wonderful trumpet player
Me: *release held breath* Awesome. I have been trying to keep him motivated with Drum Corps videos.
(No I wasn’t in DC, no I didn’t play an instrument, I was in colorguard)
Teacher: I get a colorguard vibe from you
Pause for decision on whether that is a positive or negative statement… put a pin in it for later
Teach: Does he practice?
Me: Occasionally.
Teach: Imagine if he practiced how much better he would be than his current impressive ability. … but also, he seems to not write down anything that is a requirement.
Me: FFS. Got it. Here’s what we can do…

and on and on it went. “second verse, same as the first”. Same note from each, anything requiring more than a word or two written out is a task that my child sees as optional. It is not.

His current school seems to really accept my kid, they seem to understand his deficits and challenges and they are not letting him disappear . This is so refreshing. Also, online accountability is huge. It’s all there for everyone to see, so there’s really no hiding….. which means momma has to actually monitor and keep track of said child. I now need to make sure the student part of my kid does not disappear at home.

Well played teachers, well played. I fully accept the responsibilities of Principal here at home and look forward to my raise…. damn. How about just a bonus? Sick time? Shoot.. I guess I’ll just have to take my satisfaction from hugs and kisses and rainbow snuggle dreams.

Yea right. Belly up to bar and give me a double!

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