The First One


I often write about the exasperation of parenthood. The frustrations of being a stay at home mom. The challenges I’ve had with raising a not-so-average learner kid. This time I’m writing the mushy stuff.

I looked at this photograph I took as a test on a device. Nothing posed or purpose filled. Just a snapshot.

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We are in the throes of adolescence here. I’m okay with that. My oldest is leading the charge as usual towards uncharted territory. That is the job of the oldest, right? To scare the hell out of you so you understand all of your boundaries and capabilities… and make life easy for whomever comes after. (little sister)

My son was born a 13 year old. Since he was little he had this way about him that was always bigger than his britches. Not in a bossy way, just in a, “Duh, dumbass… how are you not ready for this?” kind of way. It has been a helluva ride so far. In utero this little soul challenged me. Delivery was difficult. Newborndom was hair-raising. Toddlerhood was an obstacle course of difficulties and rewards. School age has been filled with ups and downs. It would be easy to get caught up in the challenges. The crutches and the excuses. I like to recognize the fun. The growth. The human milestones, not just the academic ones. We are building people here in this parenting business. People that can run the world someday.

But as they tell you when they are babies, it is true that time does fly. In the case of my son, it’s been a relief to get to the next birthday because as I said, he was born ready for this stage. I have worked hard to take in the moments without getting too lost in the countdown. 6 summers left. 5 Christmases left. 4 Halloweens…

I am so proud of this kid! I love being his mom. He may someday turn into a teenage monster, but I really don’t think so. This kid is half of my heart walking around in the world making choices and thankfully still wanting his mom’s acceptance and support. I hope he sees nothing but good and light in this world and never has to experience the darkness. There seems to be more and more of it lurking around our children.

It’s important to recognize the child he still is so he can become the young man he deserves to be. All I can do is hope I’m doing a good job. Parenting is truly the hardest volunteer job on the planet, truly. For me one of the hardest parts is to not believe the self-doubt and fear that creeps in after I’ve shouted too loudly or laid down a consequence or said something that can’t be taken back. I need to be kinder to myself and still be a purposeful parent.

So that’s all really. Just a little moment in time while we are in the In-between. High School will be here soon and social circles, dating, dances, driving. Right now, for maybe one of the last few moments, I can still see my little silver-haired, blue-eyed baby boy who melts hearts with a smile.

#motherhood #sons

 

 

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